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Nokia88 Posted 18 years ago
Grammar
help needed for rephrasing sentence
Dear sir,
I am trying to rephrase sentence (A) into sentence (B) but not sure if I have done the right way?
In sentence (A), "they" is ambiguous because it can refer to either as performers or spectators. As for "on behalf of us all", am I right to have rewritten it into "on behalf of our spectators" or should I leave it as it is?
Does "our performers" make any difference from "the performers"?
(A): All that remains for me to do is to thank our performers sincerely on behalf of us all for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
(B): All that remains for me to do on behalf of our spectators is to thank our performers sincerely for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
Your advice will be very much appreciated!
I am trying to rephrase sentence (A) into sentence (B) but not sure if I have done the right way?
In sentence (A), "they" is ambiguous because it can refer to either as performers or spectators. As for "on behalf of us all", am I right to have rewritten it into "on behalf of our spectators" or should I leave it as it is?
Does "our performers" make any difference from "the performers"?
(A): All that remains for me to do is to thank our performers sincerely on behalf of us all for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
(B): All that remains for me to do on behalf of our spectators is to thank our performers sincerely for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
Your advice will be very much appreciated!
Top answer
Nokia88 (A): All that remains for me to do is to thank our performers sincerely on behalf of us all for the pleasure they have given us this evening. (B): All that remains for me to do on behalf of our spectators is to thank our performers sincerely for the pleasure they have given us this evening. I think you may be overcritical here.
- Nokia88 (A): All that remains for me to do is to thank our performers sincerely on behalf of us all for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
- (B): All that remains for me to do on behalf of our spectators is to thank our performers sincerely for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
- I think you may be overcritical here.
- Sentence A is fine and entirely unambiguous as it stands.
- B on the other hand is awkward and unnecessarily wordy.
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4 Answers
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Nokia88(A): All that remains for me to do is to thank our performers sincerely on behalf of us all for the pleasure they have given us this evening.I think you may be overcritical here. Sentence A is fin
(B): All that remains for me to do on behalf of our spectators is to thank our performers sincerely for the pleasure they have given us this evening.
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I agree that sentence A sounds far better but does "of us all" sound kinda awkward to anyone else? Wouldn't "all off us" fit better?
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Your sentence rephrasing isn’t 100% perfect. I totally agree with the previous comment that the first sentence sounds much more correct and pleasant to hear in comparison to the second one which is wat to wordy. You’re too critical towards the word “they”. It’s not ambiguous
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