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M131294 Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
Help mee
hi, can you please edit/rewrite this paragraph please ?
Young women in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the most desirable. The media today has encouraged young people to live in an unhealthy lifestyle due to the advanced in technologies. Little do they realise that pursuing a perfected body can lead to several types of eating disorders that is most prevalent in the teenage society. By risking their physical condition teenagers need to be more aware of the dangers that they are putting to their health. And by doing so, a documentary on the concepts of how the body image distortions can affect adolescences and why this controversial issue needs to be improved is proposed.
Young women in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the most desirable. The media today has encouraged young people to live in an unhealthy lifestyle due to the advanced in technologies. Little do they realise that pursuing a perfected body can lead to several types of eating disorders that is most prevalent in the teenage society. By risking their physical condition teenagers need to be more aware of the dangers that they are putting to their health. And by doing so, a documentary on the concepts of how the body image distortions can affect adolescences and why this controversial issue needs to be improved is proposed.
Top answer
Hi M; Here are some suggestions. I'm not sure what your thesis is because you mention many different topics - media, technology, unhealthy lifestyles, and eating disorders. I assume you are talking about bulimia and anorexia in teenage girls, but this is not very clear.
- Hi M; Here are some suggestions.
- I'm not sure what your thesis is because you mention many different topics - media, technology, unhealthy lifestyles, and eating disorders.
- I assume you are talking about bulimia and anorexia in teenage girls, but this is not very clear.
- ).
- The media today has encouraged young people to live in an unhealthy lifestyle s due to the advance ment d in technologies (I don't understand how advanced technology is related to unhealthy lifestyles.
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3 Answers
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Hi M;
Here are some suggestions. I'm not sure what your thesis is because you mention many different topics - media, technology, unhealthy lifestyles, and eating disorders. I assume you are talking about bulimia and anorexia in teenage girls, but this is not very clear.
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Young women in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the m
Here are some suggestions. I'm not sure what your thesis is because you mention many different topics - media, technology, unhealthy lifestyles, and eating disorders. I assume you are talking about bulimia and anorexia in teenage girls, but this is not very clear.
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Young women in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the m
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Okay, so I just recently drafted this paragraph again and I was wondering if you could give me a few points and tips and how I could extend and improve on this writing. Also, I am writing a documentary proposal on the negative body images towards teenagers. Thank you.
Young people in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the most desirable. Adolescents tend to
Young people in Australia are bombarded with images of what is considered to be the most desirable. Adolescents tend to
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How about something that is much more clear and straightforward. Here is a start:
Young people in Australia are bombarded with images of the "ideal body" - thin yet shapely for the women and tall, well-muscled for men. Adolescents want more than anything to be attractive to the opposite ***. When, in their own assessment, their natural body shape does not measure up to this unrea
Young people in Australia are bombarded with images of the "ideal body" - thin yet shapely for the women and tall, well-muscled for men. Adolescents want more than anything to be attractive to the opposite ***. When, in their own assessment, their natural body shape does not measure up to this unrea
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