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Thanhnam46 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Help me with this essay! Please
Hi everyone! this is my IELTS task 1 essay, pls check this for me! thank you.
The graphs demonstrate the study motivation of student and the supporting quantity for them by age.
In the first graph, it is clear that there is a gradual decrease in study for career reasons with age. In contrast, the percentage of students who study because of their interest increases gradually. Particularly, 80 percent of under 26 people go to school for their career whereas this quantity is only 19 percent with the over 49 people. However, the students who learn for interest occupy 10 percent by under 26 age group but 70 percent by over 49 age group. There is the same percentage of people who learn for work and for interest in the 40-49 age group.
In the second graph, the under 26 age get the highest support from employers, approximately 60 percent. The employer support drop rapidly to over 32 percent up to the third decades of life. Then it is rise to about 44 percent when people get over 49 years old.
((165 words))
The graphs demonstrate the study motivation of student and the supporting quantity for them by age.
In the first graph, it is clear that there is a gradual decrease in study for career reasons with age. In contrast, the percentage of students who study because of their interest increases gradually. Particularly, 80 percent of under 26 people go to school for their career whereas this quantity is only 19 percent with the over 49 people. However, the students who learn for interest occupy 10 percent by under 26 age group but 70 percent by over 49 age group. There is the same percentage of people who learn for work and for interest in the 40-49 age group.
In the second graph, the under 26 age get the highest support from employers, approximately 60 percent. The employer support drop rapidly to over 32 percent up to the third decades of life. Then it is rise to about 44 percent when people get over 49 years old.
((165 words))
Top answer
Dear Thanhnam46, I think you can write a better description of the graphs. I will give you a couple of examples, and then I think you should try again. The exercise asks for a minimum of 150 words.
- Dear Thanhnam46, I think you can write a better description of the graphs.
- I will give you a couple of examples, and then I think you should try again.
- The exercise asks for a minimum of 150 words.
- You really should write more than just 165.
- Try to enrich your vocabulary.
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6 Answers
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Dear Thanhnam46,
I think you can write a better description of the graphs. I will give you a couple of examples, and then I think you should try again.
The exercise asks for a minimum of 150 words. You really should write more than just 165. Try to enrich your vocabulary. Use your thesaurus to find new words instead of repeating the same ones over and over.
I think you can write a better description of the graphs. I will give you a couple of examples, and then I think you should try again.
The exercise asks for a minimum of 150 words. You really should write more than just 165. Try to enrich your vocabulary. Use your thesaurus to find new words instead of repeating the same ones over and over.
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OK! I have had such a busy week. I 've just finished my new essay. Please! check it for me. Thank you John!
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decrease with age while studying for personal interest increase with age. It is clear that 80% people under the age of 26 study for their career whereas only 19% aged over 49 do the same. In contrast, the rate of
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decrease with age while studying for personal interest increase with age. It is clear that 80% people under the age of 26 study for their career whereas only 19% aged over 49 do the same. In contrast, the rate of
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Dear Thanhnam46,
The words in red are minor corrections I have made for you. The words and sentences in purple contain serious errors and must be rewritten. I can make only a certain number of corrections for you - you must do the rest. Otherwise, you could be accused of plagiarism and you will not improve your English. Try again.
Good luck,
John
The first graph
The words in red are minor corrections I have made for you. The words and sentences in purple contain serious errors and must be rewritten. I can make only a certain number of corrections for you - you must do the rest. Otherwise, you could be accused of plagiarism and you will not improve your English. Try again.
Good luck,
John
The first graph
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This is my new essay. Hope that it works this time. Thanks in advance! John.
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decreases with age while studying for personal interest increases with age. It is clear that 80% of people under the age of 26 studies for their career whereas only 19% aged over 49 do the same. However, the percentage of students who study for
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decreases with age while studying for personal interest increases with age. It is clear that 80% of people under the age of 26 studies for their career whereas only 19% aged over 49 do the same. However, the percentage of students who study for
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Good job Thanhnam46 - I can see that you are really trying, and learning!
Here are some final suggestions.
John
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decreases with age while studying for personal interest increases with age. It is clear that 80% of students under the age of 26
Here are some final suggestions.
John
The first graph indicates that studying because of career requirement decreases with age while studying for personal interest increases with age. It is clear that 80% of students under the age of 26
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