Help me with my writing for Ielts Task 2

Question

The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree?Some people argue that it is essential to explore and develop other sources of green energy in order to decrease fossil fuels use today. Personally, I strongly support the view that it is high time human found safer energy other than fossil fuels.To begin with, the total amount of fossil fuels that is available on the earth million years ago is running out of these days. The reason is that the world population is growing quickly, which strikingly increases over exploitation of non-renewable energy sources like coal, oil or natural gas to meet huge humans’ energy requirements. Clearly, human beings will no longer have sufficient fossil fuels based energy to supply such people in the future. In fact, renewable energy has been the main source of electricity in several countries such as Iceland, Norway and Paraguay, which helps them less rely on source of fossil fuels. Consequently, there should be a gradual shift to safer alternative sources of energy.At the same time, I strongly believe that fossil fuels use should be responsible for climate change or environmental pollution that is occurring on global scale. Obviously, most of greenhouse gas emissions come from the combustion of fossil fuels for electricity, heat, and transportation in every other aspect of human activities. As a result, the world problem is that the higher amount of CO2 in the air is likely to increase temperatures throughout the world. Therefore, governments should take measure to prevent commercial overexploitation of fossil fuels and prioritize investment in developing green energy sources to make such alternative accessible to all humankind.In conclusion, I believe that every effort should be made to raise awareness of people about the importance of using non – renewable sources, and it should be the most pressing global priority of each nation.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Sorry but I don't have time to edit your English. However, here's a quick overall comment on your essay.

After reading the question, I expected your essay to consider other important global priorities, such as ending war or eliminating poverty. I expected you to compare the priority of development of green energy to these other priorities. But you didn't.

In short, I don't feel that you have addressed the question that was asked. It's very important to read the question carefully before you start writing,

Clive

Ngan Ho · Answer

Thank you. I will try to dicuss both views of the problem and repost it <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/2.gif' alt='Emotion: big smile'/>

Ngan Ho · Answer

Here is my second draft. Could everyone check it? Thanks a lot.
The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree?

As the emissions from combustion of fossil fuel use have a seriously impact on the environment, finding green energy sources seems to have become more necessary than ever. Personally, I disagree with the idea that renewable energy supply is the key consideration for all governments all over the world because I believe that other fields are equally important.

On the one hand, I agree that seeking for clean energy sources is essential in order to meet the increasing demands on the global energy supply apart from using fossil fuels. As the world population continues to grow strikingly, the overall volume of fossil fuel on the Earth is running out and it is likely to be available for such people in the next 50 years. Additionally, renewable energy is derived from natural unlimited sources included wind, solar and hydropower; therefore, they could reduce the amount of CO2 in the air caused by burning fossil fuels. Take developed countries for example; they are now using renewable energy sources to help mitigate global warming. Consequently, leader all over the world should have sufficient investment in developing these alternative sources accessible to all nations.

Nevertheless, I believe other consideration are just important as what humankind benefits from using renewable energy. Firstly, it is clear that military needs big investment in every nation due to the unstable of the world situation. This is illustrated by the fact that mankind has recently witnessed the escalation of street violence or terrorism in several Asian and Western countries. Besides, education and medical care in poor countries in Africa should be received adequate financial support from international organizations; this will make a huge improvement in general quality of life in those nations. Finally, developed countries should assist other countries with more non – refundable loans to increase the economic growth.

In conclusion, there are good reasons why mankind should put a high priority on a shift to alternative sources of energy, but in my opinion government should not take other fields’ investment for granted.

Anonymous · Answer

Ngan HoAs the emissions from combustion of fossil fuel use have a seriously impact

As the emissions from combustion of fossil fuel use have a serious impact

Ngan Hofor all governments all over the world because

for all governments, all over the world, because

Ngan HoOn the one hand, I agree that seeking ~~for~~ clean energy sources

On the one hand, I agree that seeking clean energy sources

Ngan Hois essential in order to meet the increasing demands on the global energy supply ~~apart from using fossil fuels~~.

is essential in order to meet the increasing demands on the global energy supply.

Ngan Hothe overall volume of fossil fuel on ~~the~~ Earth

the overall amount of fossil fuels on Earth

Ngan Hois running out and it is likely

is running out and it is unlikely

Ngan HoAdditionally, renewable energy is derived from natural unlimited sources included

Additionally, renewable energy is derived from natural, unlimited sources including

Ngan Hothey could reduce the amount of CO2 in the air caused by burning fossil fuels.

they could reduce the amount of CO2 in the air, caused by burning fossil fuels.

Ngan HoConsequently, leader

Consequently, leaders

Ngan Hoshould have sufficient investment

should invest sufficiently

AlpheccaStars · Answer

As the emissions from combustion of fossil fuels ~~use~~ have a seriously deleterious (you need an adjective here for the adverb "seriously") impact on the environment, finding green energy sources seems to have become more necessary than ever. Personally, I disagree with the idea that a renewable energy supply is the key consideration for all governments all over the world because I believe that other fields are equally important.

On ~~the~~ one hand, I agree that seeking ~~for~~ clean energy sources is essential in order to meet the increasing demands on the global energy supply ~~apart from using fossil fuels~~. As the world population continues to grow dramatically ~~strikingly~~, the overall ~~volume~~ fossil fuel reserves on the Earth are running out and they are only likely to be available ~~for such people~~ for the next 50 years. Additionally, renewable energy is derived from natural unlimited non-carbon-based sources including wind, solar and hydropower; therefore, using these sources ~~they~~ could reduce the amount of CO2 in the air otherwise caused by burning fossil fuels. Take developed countries for example; they are now using renewable energy sources to help mitigate global warming. Consequently, leaders all over the world should have sufficient investment in developing these alternative sources accessible to all nations.

Nevertheless, I believe other considerations are just important as what humankind benefits from using renewable energy. First, (You say "first", but have no "second", "third"...) it is clear that the military needs big investments in every nation due to the political instability in the world ~~situation~~. This is illustrated by the fact that mankind has recently witnessed the escalation of street violence or terrorism in several Asian and Western countries. Besides, education and medical care in poor countries in Africa should be received adequate financial support from international organizations; this will make a huge improvement in general quality of life in those nations. Finally, developed countries should assist other countries with more non-refundable (?) loans to increase their economic growth.

In conclusion, there are good reasons why mankind should put a high priority on a shift to alternative sources of energy, but in my opinion government should not take ~~other fields’~~ investment in other fields for granted.

Ngan Ho · Answer

I used the wrong word

AlpheccaStarsAs the emissions from combustion of fossil fuels use have a seriously deleterious (you need an adjective here for the adverb "seriously") impact on the environment, finding green energy sources seems to have become more necessary than ever. Personally, I disagree with the idea that a renewable energy supply is the key consideration for all governments all over the world because I believe that other fields are equally important.On the one hand, I agree that seeking for clean energy sources is essential in order to meet the increasing demands on the global energy supply apart from using fossil fuels. As the world population continues to grow dramatically strikingly, the overall volume fossil fuel reserves on the Earth are running out and they are only likely to be available for such people for the next 50 years. Additionally, renewable energy is derived from natural unlimited non-carbon-based sources including wind, solar and hydropower; therefore, using these sources they could reduce the amount of CO2 in the air otherwise caused by burning fossil fuels. Take developed countries for example; they are now using renewable energy sources to help mitigate global warming. Consequently, leaders all over the world should have sufficient investment in developing these alternative sources accessible to all nations.Nevertheless, I believe other considerations are just important as what humankind benefits from using renewable energy. First, (You say "first", but have no "second", "third"...) it is clear that the military needs big investments in every nation due to the political instability in the world situation. This is illustrated by the fact that mankind has recently witnessed the escalation of street violence or terrorism in several Asian and Western countries. Besides, education and medical care in poor countries in Africa should be received adequate financial support from international organizations; this will make a huge improvement in general quality of life in those nations. Finally, developed countries should assist other countries with more non-refundable (?) loans to increase their economic growth.In conclusion, there are good reasons why mankind should put a high priority on a shift to alternative sources of energy, but in my opinion government should not take other fields’ investment in other fields for granted.

AlpheccaStarsFinally, developed countries should assist other countries with more non-refundable (?) loans to increase their economic growth.

I wanted to mention Loans not returned

. What word can I say to express this term?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

A loan, by definition, is money that you have to pay back to the lender, usually with interest.
A gift, by definition, is money that you don't have to pay back to the giver.
You are asking for donations or gifts, not loans.

When someone gets a loan, they and the lender expect that it will be paid in full.
If a loan has not been paid on schedule for some time, it is in default. Then the lender can legally sue the borrower and take his assets or renegotiate the terms (interest rate, period) of the loan.

If the borrower cannot possibly pay the loan, they can request that the loan be forgiven.
If the lender agrees, then they can cancel the loan.

Help me with my writing for Ielts Task 2

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