Help me with my IELTS Writing Task 2 please

Hello, I found this topic in Cam 16 Test 3 Writing Task 2. I would be really happy if you can give me some feedback and the band score I would get, so I can improve more.
Thank you so much!

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge experience.

Write at least 250 words.

TASK

There is no doubt that many health deficits result from the high levels of sugar in manufactured food and beverage. Some people think that higher price for sugary products would prevent the overconsumption of sugar. However I completely disagree with this view, because there are more appropriate solutions to tackle this problem.

To begin with, making sugary products more expensive causes more problems rather than solving the overconsumption of sugar. Sugary products include some types of food which we eat everyday such as rice and bread. Those foods are really important in our diet because they provide us with energy to work and nutrients to grow up. Therefore, raising the prices of those products would make people unable to purchase the most essential food. For example, if the poor people can not afford a few loads of bread daily, they can not make living and support their families.

Furthermore, there are more proper ways to deal with the sugary overconsuming. First, factories should inform the customers the ingredients of their products in accurate percentage by printing them outstandingly on the labels. In this way, people can know how much sugar and other substances they consume per product, thus figure out wise diets to avoid sugary overconsumption and improve their health. Second, due to the fact that many people do not know the adequate amount of each nutrient they need to support their body, there must be more programs to illustrate people about that important knowledge. Those programs can be TV shows, extracurricular activities at school and other forms to reach many kinds of people, because people of different ages, jobs need particular diets. For instance, elderly should cut down on sugar consumption to avoid heart diseases.

In conclusion, from my point of view, raising the prices of sugary products is not a good choice to handle the health problems caused by the manufactured sugary products. By informing people about the products and the demand of their body, they can prevent sugary overconsumption and many health problem related to it.