HELP ME WITH MY IELTS WRITING TASK 1. THANK YOU A LOT

Question

The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.The bar chart illustrates the proportion of English and Welsh households with and without accommodation from 1981 to 2001.Overall, it is noticed that households in temporary accommodation is significantly higher than households in owned accommodation on the first half of the period. However, on the second half of the timescale, owned accommodation replaced rented one to become preference of family in England and Wales.With regard to households in rented accommodation, they accounted for around 75% in 1918, this proportion then dropped dramatically to 50% in 1971 before reaching the bottom of just over 30% in 2001. Despite the drop, it managed to slightly recover to 35% 10 years after 1971.On the other hand, initially families living in owned house were minorities, at around 22% in 1918. This trend generally rose for the next 53 years with the year 1918 when with-accommodation households overtook households living in rented accommodation in percentage terms, at 60% and 40% respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please refer to my model essay posted in this thread.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/WritingTask1AChart/bnzkgr/post.htm

Your writing is very careless. You need to pay very close attention to the values in the plots and graphs in Task 1.

The bar chart illustrates (Wrong word. "Illustrate" means "make a picture" Use this word for maps, process charts and diagrams, not for charts and graphs. shows / depicts / gives / plots / ) the proportion of English and Welsh households with and without accommodation ("without accommodation" means that they were homeless, living on the street. The chart does not plot the homeless population.) from 1981 to 2001. (Twenty years? You must be very precise and correct in Task 1. Don't make up numbers that are not in the chart.)

Overall, ~~it is noticed that~~ households in temporary (Wrong word. Temporary means a short period of time. ) accommodation is significantly higher than households in owned accommodation during on the first half of the period. However, on the second half of the timescale, (Wrong word.) owned accommodation replaced rented one (Wrong usage) to become preference (This is a conclusion or opinion. Do not put your own opinions in Task 1 essays. Just describe the data.) of family in England and Wales.

With regard to households in rented accommodation, they accounted for around 75% in 1918, (punctuation error. comma splice error. Ungrammatical sentence.) this ~~proportion~~ then dropped ~~dramatically~~ to 50% in (wrong preposition) 1971 before reaching ~~the bottom~~ its lowest value of just over 30% in 2001. Despite the drop, it managed to slightly recover (This is a conclusion or opinion. You are saying that low values are bad. There is no moral criticism in Task 1..) to 35% 10 years after 1971. (Incorrect.)

On the other hand, (wrong transition phrase) initially families living in owned house ( one house?) were minorities, (A minority is someone who belongs to a culture that is not dominant in the country. There is nothing on this chart about Africans or Asian people in Wales and England.) at around 22% in 1918. This percentage /proportion ~~trend~~ (wrong word.) generally rose for the next 53 years with the year 1918 when with-accommodation (wrong expression) households overtook households living in rented accommodation in percentage terms, at 60% and 40% (wrong numbers) respectively.

HELP ME WITH MY IELTS WRITING TASK 1. THANK YOU A LOT

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