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Jenny34 Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Help me to shorten this passage. Thank you for your support.

Climate-changing is a change in the average conditions — such as temperature and rainfall — in a region over a long period of time. The main cause is human activities such as burning fossil fuel. Climate-changing has a major impact on our health, daily life and food sources . Melting ice and glaciers cause rising sea level. This is a big threat to many cities. According to Insider news, Jakata, a part of New Orleans can be underwater by 2100. And this is what would happen to New York, the world trade center. If there is no action taken immediately , millions of people can be homeless and die. Climate change also causes extreme weather events such as longer drought and bigger storms. We are facing more natural disasters than ever before. These pose challenges of producing food for humans. The area where plants and animals can live shifted and water supplies diminished. There are many serious famines caused by climate-changing such as Soviet famine, the consequence of a terrible drought in 1932-1933 killed 7-10 million Ukraines according to the UN. At the same time creating new agricultural challenges, climate-changing directly affects our physical health. Smog in urban areas from factories and vehicles cause heart disease and lung cancer. Although we have many solutions, such as building walls to hold back the ocean in New York or building shelter for homeless people after natural disasters. But this is just a short-term solution, and it couldn’t help us to solve the problem properly. To understand the problem I say more clearly, let’s imagine when you go in a kitchen, you see a sink overflowing. You have to think fast, you are panicky. There is a broom, a bucket. What do you do first? Why don’t you just turn off the tap. It will be useless to clean the water if you let the tap keeps running. So why don’t we do and think the same for climate-changing?

  

Top answer

It is long because you have many ideas. These ideas are not in any logical sequence; they are just randomly placed. There are also grammatical errors.

  • It is long because you have many ideas.
  • These ideas are not in any logical sequence; they are just randomly placed.
  • There are also grammatical errors.
  • Each paragraph must have one main idea and supporting statements.
  • If your passage is to be one paragraph, you need to decide what your main idea is, pick out the supporting statements, fix the grammatical errors and sequence the sentences in a logical order with transitions.
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1 Answers
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It is long because you have many ideas. These ideas are not in any logical sequence; they are just randomly placed. There are also grammatical errors.

Each paragraph must have one main idea and supporting statements.

If your passage is to be one paragraph, you need to decide what your main idea is, pick out the supporting statements, fix the grammatical errors and sequence the sen

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