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Pilita Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Help me to improve this paragraph please

0 Farm workers have to work under a blazing sun and freezing temperatures that make their job more difficult. Farm workers are exposed to harmful pesticides. These are some of the problems that farm workers face every day. Farm workers break their backs for minimum wages so that people can eat fresh fruits and fresh vegetables. It is a key point in “The Plum Plum Pickers” by Raymond Barrio and “The Organizer’s Tale” by Cesar Chavez. These essays recognize that farm workers face lowest wages, deplorable working conditions, and the power of their employers oppress them. 0-
  

Top answer

0 Hello Pilita. I think you are over-using "farm workers". Let's find a way of reducing that.

  • 0 Hello Pilita.
  • I think you are over-using "farm workers".
  • Let's find a way of reducing that.
  • One way is by combining some sentences, or by finding a different word for "work" and "workers"Secondly, perhaps it woud be better to mention the essays at the beginning.
  • 02br 02br 00“The Plum Plum Pickers” by Raymond Barrio and “The Organizer’s Tale” by Cesar Chavez are essays which recognize that farm workers face 01b 00the02b 00 lowest wages, deplorable working conditions and oppression by their employers.
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3 Answers
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0 Hello Pilita. I think you are over-using "farm workers". Let's find a way of reducing that. One way is by combining some sentences, or by finding a different word for "work" and "workers"Secondly, perhaps it woud be better to mention the essays at the beginning. 02br
02br
00“The Plum Plum Pickers” by Raymond Barrio and “The Organizer’s Tale” by Cesar Chavez are essays which
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0Thank you abbie, I really appreciate your help050010id1
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Although my year has been fantastic so far, I believe that there should be late buses every night; some clubs are on different days and it is harder to get home. Moreover, I think the school should take part in more competitions (not just sport related ones). Furthermore, I wish we could have more of the school radio on at lunchtimes and breaktimes

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