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HD Victoria Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Help me to correct my esssay, please.

topic: Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

my essay:

Studying at university seems to be a common choice amongst most young people. However, some people suggest that it is justified to encourage young people to take training courses from vocational schools instead of attending universities as a response to the lack of qualified workers in society.
On the one hand, it is evident that going to college is not the only choice for all and learning at university does not necessarily mean landing a decent job with high income in the future. In fact, the unemployment rate among university graduates is high in some nations while it is much easier to earn a living as an electrician or a plumber. Another argument supporting this idea is the fact that some young people might face difficult times at university as they are not qualified enough in academic terms and it is a real challenge for them to keep up with classmates and understand lectures. Some even claim that their parents force them to learn at university or they make their decision on the basis of their misconception about the targets as well as demand for learning in this environment. For those students, it is remarkably more rational to choose a vocational school as they can enjoy the first taste of financial independence earlier and they still get the respect from the community.
On the other hand, it is claimed with certainty that this opinion is not reasonable to some extent. This could be explained that Western countries or developed nations might witness mass redundancies in some offices; however, developing countries or fast-growing economies such as Vietnam, Indonesia or Cambodia are now in need of experts, technicians, scientists and doctors. In these places, there appears to be an abundance of blue-collar workers as many still have difficulties in gaining access to high education. Moreover, the majority of universities can provide students with an ideal environment for learning and discovering the world with peer pressure and instruction from experienced professors and specialists. A college degree is also viewed as a basic requirement to get a job in a big company, therefore, people with university education may stand more chances to advance on their career ladders.
In conclusion, it is without dispute that learning at educational institution is both challenging and inspiring. Young people, therefore, should consider all aspects to make a wise decision so that they could have a bright future with a successful career in their desired field.

  
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