Help me to check the writing task 1 ^^

Question

The chart demonstrates the proportion of gender instructors across a range of educational systems in the UK in 2010.

From the graph, it is easy to perceive that there are lots of female teachers in three categories school, namely Nursery/Pre-school, Primary school, and secondary school. Male teachers, in reverse, have a significant presence in groups of schools related to higher education, such as Private training institute and University.

Among six sorts of schools, females outnumbered males three times. Women made up a particularly large ratio of teachers in Primary school ( about 90% as opposed to 10% of men). Almost as many female teachers held teaching positions as male teachers in secondary school ( roughly 55% and 50%). The most overwhelming difference between men and women went on Nursery/Pre-school where there were approximately 100% female-dominated.

The figure became equally represented in the college. However, the advanced types of schools witnessed a higher number of male lecturers. In Private training institute, whereas men take up above half of the figure, under half of lecturers were women. Meanwhile, there were almost three times the number of female lecturers were outnumbered by male lecturers.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. You have misused some vocabulary words, Please read my advice and post a corrected version of your essay together with the image.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The chart (Thee are many kinds of charts - organization charts, pie charts, Gantt charts, and flow charts. What kind are you writing about?) demonstrates (wrong word. ) the proportion of gender instructors (Wrong expression - it means that these instructors teach lessons about gender.) across a range (How many? What are they?) of educational systems in the UK in 2010.

~~From the graph,~~ (Wrong word. Also unnecessary. The examiner knows you are looking at one figure.) ~~it is easy to perceive that~~ there are lots of female teachers in three categories school, (ungrammatical) namely Nursery/Pre-school, Primary school, and secondary school. Male teachers, in reverse, have a significant presence in ~~groups of~~ schools related to higher education, such as Private training institutes and Universities.

Among six sorts of schools, females outnumbered males three times. Women made up a particularly large ratio of teachers in Primary school ( about 90% as opposed to 10% of men). Almost as many female teachers held teaching positions as male teachers in secondary school ( roughly 55% and 50%). The ~~most overwhelming~~ largest difference between men and women was in ~~went on~~ Nursery/Pre-school where there were nearly ~~approximately~~ 100% female~~-dominated~~. (You do not need to make a new paragraph. You are still writing about the details.)

The figure (wrong word) became equally represented in the college. However, the advanced types of schools witnessed (wrong word - schools cannot see, experience or witness anything.) a higher number of male lecturers. In Private training institute, whereas men take up above half of the figure, (wrong word) under half of lecturers were women. Meanwhile, there were almost three times the number of female lecturers were outnumbered (That makes no sense.) by male lecturers.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. It has a lot of information on vocabulary, structure and content.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Example essay (~190 words)

The bar chart plots the percentage of men and women teachers by six educational levels in the UK in 2010. These ranged from pre-school to university and included both public and private institutions.

Overall, women dominated the teaching profession in pre-school and primary school, whereas the vast majority of teaching staff at the university level were men. For the other three levels, which were above primary school, but below university, the proportions were more equitable.

In detail, the largest gender gap was for nursery school, where 95% of the teachers were female, and this was very closely followed by primary school, with over 90%. The proportions shifted for the next level, secondary school, but women still claimed a slight majority, about 54%. Colleges were unique among these six educational categories in that they employed men and women in equal numbers. That was in distinct contrast to university with a plurality of male lecturers; seven out of ten of the faculty were male. The last category, private institutions, had a small bias toward men. They had about the same distribution as secondary schools, but with the genders reversed.

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