Help me scoring my IELTS writing 2...

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Crime does not pay. Juvenile delinquency is a common issue, it has been around since ever God created the earth. However, having been an ancient matter does not mean there should not be a complete plan to decrease it. In my point of view, I believe that several reasons drive to the increasing patterns in crime violent among minors under the age of 18, yet not getting the social and emotional learning from the parents and teachers is certainly none of them. In contrast, it is the opposite.

Debates have been around this topic for a long time. Minors who lack social and emotional learning they need from their guardians and professors tend to be more sensitive and almost timid, whereas others who are more secured with all kind of love and support are generally self-confident and bold. Therefore, they try to express their personality threw different types of acts, committing violent crimes is one of them. For example, my brother Ali lives with my rich father in Canada and he is spoiled with love and money. My father is his biggest supporter. He owns a Ferrari car even though he is 17 years old and have not graduated from high school yet. Last Christmas, my brother and his fellow friends threatened a French lady living in Ottawa with a Swiss knife asking her to give them some money they do not need it. The judge asked him about the reason of his felony and it appeared that fun is the key.

On the other hand, my half brother Jamal who lives with his Lebanese mother in Kuwait is polite and timid. My father have never met him or even sent him money in his entire life.However, he is 16 years old and was granted a scholarship from the American government to study in New York City, and he has never got his mother into any kind of troubles, even though he lacks social and emotional love and support my brother Ali has.

Overall, there is not a main reason to explain minors violent crime phenomenon. Therefore, different explanations comes in surface, yet social and emotional learning needed does not lead to committing violent crimes . However, this world is full of unsolved issues and the debate about this topic will continue. Nevertheless, odd situations that may lead to reverse my point of view are never too far due to the fact that it is only an opinion, not an eternal unchangeable fact.