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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

help me revise this paper please :)

What is the responsibility of an educated person?
The world we live in now, education plays a tremendous role in the culture of societies and the provision to the younger generations the tools and mindset needed to enhance their standard of living and contribute to common good. However, the term "educated" is a big idea that differs from one culture to another. That being said, the main responsibilities of an educated person are: to contribute to the development of global society, impart their knowledge to the following generation, and to achieve individual success in any way adapted to their own personal desire.
You have probably worked hard to get your degree. You may have been the first in your family to get a college degree. You may have borrowed money and now have to repay the loans. You may have worked or have been raising a family while attending college. Education often provides someone with the means to maintain life, to live comfortably or even to live in richness. The major you choose will be the deciding factor in determining the strength and the limits of your financial situation. A degree in engineering, mathematics, physics or computer science will result in to a much higher salary than a degree in social work or women's studies. This may not be a popular statement, but your intelligence and dedication will affect capable of winning races. Therefore, you should acknowledge their limitations and work with the features you possess.

People often expect to have children first acquire and training so that they have the means to support their future offspring. They become aware that having a college degree will most likely allow them to have a higher income than if they were trying to enter the labor market with only a high school diploma. For various reasons, the college may not be an option for some people, but for those who do graduate, society expects to support themselves and their children. There are many ways to educate, through traveling, books, discussions and of course, through the university or college that will give you the tools to learn about the world, its people and their cultures. In my opinion, an educated person should have: general understanding, analytical skills, open minded and family influences which cause people gain some understanding or talent that makes them able to accept differences.
In addition, another factor that influences people's education is the teaching of the family. This helps build respectful ways of speaking and advocate the decisions and thoughts with the rest, and respect others. In my case, I remember my mother all the time saying I have to greet others first loudly and shaking hands, how to conduct myself at the table and how to stay quietly to listen to other people’s opinions. All this helps to build good social skills, it is highly important if we want to interact in this world.
In the context of life, education never ends, even if you have completed college and became a professional. People are never really educated because our world is constantly evolving; our knowledge should be updated and improved every day.
  

Top answer

Hi, At the end of your first paragraph, you said this. the main responsibilities of an educated person are: to contribute to the development of global society, impart their knowledge to the following generation, and to achieve individual success in any way adapted to their own personal desire. This makes me expect that your first body paragraph will discuss the first of these 3 points, the second body paragraph will discuss the second point, and the third body paragraph will discuss the third point.

  • Hi, At the end of your first paragraph, you said this.
  • the main responsibilities of an educated person are: to contribute to the development of global society, impart their knowledge to the following generation, and to achieve individual success in any way adapted to their own personal desire.
  • This makes me expect that your first body paragraph will discuss the first of these 3 points, the second body paragraph will discuss the second point, and the third body paragraph will discuss the third point.
  • But that's not what you have done.
  • Consequently, I feel your essay is poorly structured.
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1 Answers
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Hi,

At the end of your first paragraph, you said this.
the main responsibilities of an educated person are: to contribute to the development of global society, impart their knowledge to the following generation, and to achieve individual success in any way adapted to their own pers

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