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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago

Help me revise my poem please?


On a cool morning of 28th of October, 1955.

Another Gates entered the world

Arrogant and confident, had everything

Coins were my shadow

Different from others, I was a loner

At Lakeside, I discovered my dream

Such a delicate device, a computer

Something “neat about the machine”

The way it would always put my words into actions

became one of my best pals

1590 out of 1600 did not matter

For books were just ink on paper

But Harvard did open many doors

Boom! Hit me like the high tides in the ocean

A light bulb flickerd in my head

My life took a giant step towards my dream

With clever sports of fools bending over backward

to create artwork that rules

Billionaire, Microsoft, Whiz Kid, CEO

Never once thought these words would symbolize me

For all I did was change the world

Now waiting for the next tide to come

I am here

--------------------------

My poem isnt really flowing together well..

The only time I've written a poem was in elementary in which I wrote a haiku..

Any feedbacks and suggestions please?:(

I also dont know what I should say in the 4th stanza..
  

Top answer

Hello Anonymous, i have no ideas why none has written any replies yet. well, i am not really good in analyzing poems, but, from a brief reading of your poem, these lines are my favourite - i love the rhythm between " matter " and " paper ". [8]

  • Hello Anonymous, i have no ideas why none has written any replies yet.
  • well, i am not really good in analyzing poems, but, from a brief reading of your poem, these lines are my favourite - i love the rhythm between " matter " and " paper ".
  • [8]
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1 Answers
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Hello Anonymous,

i have no ideas why none has written any replies yet. well, i am not really good in analyzing poems, but, from a brief reading of your poem, these lines are my favourite - i love the rhythm between "matter" and "paper". (nah, just a humble appreciation from a non-poetic reader, he he)

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