HELP ME PLS! (sample of presentation letter)

Hello good afternoon guys! anyone here who can revise my presentation letter.

He is James Lind and he was born in Edinburgh in year 1716.He carried out experiments to discover the cause of scurvy, when he was in aboard naval ships the symptoms of which included loose teeth, bleeding gums and hemorrhages.
Lind selected 12 men from the ship, all suffering from scurvy, and divided them into six pairs, giving each group different additions to their basic diet. Some were given cider, others seawater, others a mixture of garlic, mustard. Another group of two was given spoonfuls of vinegar, and the last two oranges and lemons. Those fed citrus fruits experienced a remarkable recovery. While there was nothing new about his discovery - the benefits of lime juice had been known for centuries - Lind had definitively established the superiority of citrus fruits above all other 'remedies'.
Although the importance of Lind's findings on scurvy were recognized at the time, it was not until more than 40 years later that an official Admiralty order was issued on the supply of lemon juice to ships. With this, scurvy disappeared almost completely from the Royal Navy.

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