Help me make my essay more natural.

I have a homework preparing for IELTS exam. It is an essay.These are title and my essay i did. Please help me make it more prrecise and natural.Thanks a lot.

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.
To what extent do you agree?
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words
Females account for over a half of the labor force in many countries, but it is still the fact that superior positions are monopolized by males. It is said that companies should adjust this imbalance; however, I totally disagree with it.
Firstly, I believe that talent persons should be appointed to suitable positions, no matter what their gender is. This not only is fair with everyone but also promote companies in a positive way. Prioritizing women probably lead to downside because many ones will not pursue good results just because of having feature rights. Consequently, a company's prestige will decrease if this happens
Secondly, to my mind this issue should remedy outside workplace. Let create the equal between two genders from the beginning of childhood. Boys and girls can study things they like without sex barriers. This education can apply in school and home. They will try their best to gain a good career in a fair competition.
In conclusion, it is my belief that imposing quotas increases both imbalance in gender and bad business effects. Rather, it is a puzzle to education to how to increase women' competitive advantages when finding a good position in companies.