Help me in my Writing Please!!!

I am preparing for the IELTS exam and writing is one of my difficulty. I am hoping that you could help me with my writing tasks. I will be submitting writing task and please feel free to criticize my work and make comments as to how I will improve my writing skills... Thank you in advance!

TASK 1

The line graph depicts the number of males and females workforce in the United Kingdom in the industry of manufacturing and service between 1978 and 2000.
The closer look at the graph reveals that males and females working in the services division increases as the year progresses. In contrast, the number of males and females working in the manufacturing industry decreases in the span of two decades.
In the services sector, males and females working in these industry had a good start of at most 8 million. The beginning of 1984, is the dominance of male giving services as their employment, as it has increased to about 9 million. While, the female workforce for services remained unchanged until in the late 1986.
In 1988, males still on the lead have reached a total number of 10 million employees in the service industry. Although, the same increasing trend can be seen in females workforce, undoubtedly males maintained its stand up until 2000 with approximately 12 million. Meanwhile, females has only 10 million.
Males had a 5 million share of its workers in the manufacturing . Then, there has been a noticeable decrease of a million in the start of 1984. It stabilized until the end of 1990. After which, an unnoticeable decrease to a near 3 million becomes evident and was nailed on this spot until 2000. Females on manufacturing had a relatively low percentage of workers of at least 2 million and hold its position for 20 years.