Help me in ielts writtling

i am strugglling in the ielts exam, however it seems so difficult to me , what is worse, it is coming in 2 weeks.
so i need ur help, anyone who kind enough .
here is a writtling ,please give me some advices and, if possible , give me a score.
topic: It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible you cannot have both together.
For the last several decades, there has been an ongoing heated debate about whether modern technology can be compatible with traditional cultures. Most people believe that they are exclusive to each other, as the increasing development of scientific, a variety of traditional cultures are disappeared. At first glance, this argument seems so reasonable and justified. However, I wonder if it can bear closer analysis.
In the first place, traditional cultures, especially those wisdom thoughts, which has deposited for thousands of years , greatly affect the development of new technology and its application. To begin with, properly using these old cultures and wisdoms can accelerate the process of new technology innovation. For example, the widely spread binary system which is the foundation of computer, derived from the Chinese Eight Diagram. And the game theory, which is also extremely hot in economic areas, comes from the strategies in playing chess. Furthermore, as technology is a two-edged sword, to properly use it will beneficial to us, otherwise it will turn out to be a disaster . In our traditional cultures , there are full of wisdom to deal with such problems, thus we should not discard them and let these great treasure disappear.
In the second place, traditional excellent cultures as well as modern technology are essential ingredients of modern civilization. As those cultures are our great wealth which passes from generations to generations. Without them ,the society will become a robot world, cold and boring, in which the people will be lonely and unhappy ,lacking sufficient communication with other people. Likewise, it will turn out to be a undeveloped world without the development of technology. Therefore , we should develop more advanced technology to make our living condition better and better ,at the same time the other aspects of civilization, traditional cultures, wisdom world values, the proper ways to deal with problems should be preserved.