Help me give comments for my writing IELTS essay

Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing views in terms of making noise. While some people agree that the authorities should put noise under control, I believe that it should be free to creating noise.

On the one hand, there are those who believe that the state should give some strict measures in order to control noise. Firstly, living under the noise pollution condition can cause many health problems such as insomnia, hearing loss or mental deterioration, and in the long term, this situation can even lead to deaf. Secondly, the productivity of work can also be reduced as a consequence of noise. For example, many officers complain that they cannot focus on their tasks as well as have difficulty in communicate with their colleagues due to the noise from vehicles circulating down on the streets or construction sites from vicinity.

On the other hand, I side with those who argue that people should have permission to make as much noise as they want. The main reason for this view is that many individuals find their happiness and fell relax as they turn the volume louder to enjoy favorite songs. For instance, some friends of mine agree that turning on music louder could help them feel more comfortable after a long day of working. Furthurmore, with the development of new technology, scientists have found the methods to prevent noise from affecting others like walls and windows that can block noise.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that the government should control noise, my own view is that there should be freedom to make noise.