Help me correct with writing task 1

Question

The bar chart compares information about the difficulties which people have when they move to new nations in various of age group.

It is clear that 18-to 34 year-olds find making friends difficult is higher than the others. By contrast, the over 55s account for largest proportion of learning the local language problem.

About 46% of people aged 18-34 face difficulity when making new friends. By contrast, the figures for the 35-54 age group and the over 55s are lower than that, at 38% and 24% respectively.

The proportion of the 18-34s and the 35-54s who experience problem with accomodations is almost the same, at 40%, while the figure for people over 55 is nearly half of that, at 22%. Only 29% of the 18-34 age-group have difficulty in learning the local language, compared to 35% of people aged 35 to 54. On the other hand, the figure for people over 55 is much higher than that, at about 55%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart shows comparative ~~compares~~ information regarding ~~about~~ ~~the~~ three types of difficulties which people in three different age groups have when they move to new nations. ~~in various of age group.~~ (The bar chart does not compare anything. You have to do the comparisons.) The three challenges are: making new friends, ... The three age groups are: 18-34 (young adults), 35-54 (middle-aged adults), and people over 55 (mature adults).

By giving the groups names in the first paragraph, you can avoid some very awkward expressions in the subsequent paragraph. Just use the references that you have defined.

It is clear that 18-to 34 year-olds find making friends difficult is higher (ungrammatical) than the others. By contrast, the over 55s account for largest proportion of learning the local language problem.

About 46% of people aged 18-34 face difficulity when making new friends. By contrast, the figures for the 35-54 age group and the over 55s are lower than that, at 38% and 24% respectively.

The proportion of the 18-34s and the 35-54s who experience problem with accomodations is almost the same, at 40%, while the figure for people over 55 is nearly half of that, at 22%. Only 29% of the 18-34 age-group have difficulty in learning the local language, compared to 35% of people aged 35 to 54. On the other hand, the figure for people over 55 is much higher than that, at about 55%.

You have difficulty in writing natural English for this task. Here are some helpful sentences:

The difficulty in making new friends decreases with age, but the difficulty in learning a new language has a inverse relationship with age. Although it is easier for older people to make new friends, they face a high hurdle in learning a new language. About 40% of young and middle-aged adults have issues with finding a place to live. That is nearly twice that of the oldest group where only 20% have such problems.

Help me correct with writing task 1

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