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Tiểu Cầm Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Help me correct this writing

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.
Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that teenagers spending their own free time on voluntary work at the local community is a necessity. While I agree that this could have good influences on both the individual teenager and society, I do not agree with the opinion that all young people should be required to do it.

I believe strongly that the youth should support their communities by voluntarily doing unpaid work when they have free time. On the individual teenager level, they could not only broaden their knowledge but also develop their soft skills. For example, young people who experienced jobs such as taking care of elder people or cleaning seashore without salary are likely to improve communication skill faster than those who spend most of their time keeping their eyes glued to screens waves from computers. On the society prospective, this action could save a huge cost of human resources. Government do not have to pay for teenagers, as a result the budget will be spent on other usefully social purposes like upgrading the quality of education system.

On the other hand, there is a wide variety of motives that all young adults should not be forced to do unpaid job in their free time. Firstly, some particular teenagers find it hard to manage their own lives because of limited time and money. Consequently, it is not appropriately humanitarian and logical to require them to do these work. Secondly, I doubt that some young people with a clear goal in life will not enthusiastic to do voluntary stuff. They tend to distribute their time to what potentially contribute to their success. Finally, if all teenagers take part in unpaid jobs at their local community, there will surely be a surplus of labor.

In conclusion, I agree that teenagers doing unpaid work in their free time could have good impact on both themselves and the society, but that all of them do it is unnecessary.
  

Top answer

Yes

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5 Answers
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I do not understand your correction.
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It is true that teenagers spending their own free time on voluntary doing unpaid work at in the local community is a worthwhile exercise. necessity. While I agree that this could have good influences on benefits for both the individual teenager and society, I do not agree with the opinion that all young people should be requir
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Could you give me some comments about my writing please? About structure, opinion... something like that, so I could improve my writing?
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- Avoid using informal words such as "huge."
- Practise writing on a wide range of topics.

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