Help me correct my GRE argument essay. I appreciate any feedback

This is GRE argument essay requirement:
http://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/prepare/analytical_writing/argument/scoring_guide

This is the argument:
The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

This is my essay which is based on the argument above:
The argument made several assumptions to support that the whole purpose of Climpson industries which is improve company overall profit. Assumptions based on neither research nor survey, it indeed makes the argument falls apart.

First of all, the argument made an assumption that “electronic monitoring of employees’ internet use from their work stations “can improve their employees’ productivity. However, the argument didn’t mention if this conclusion is based on any employees’ research or survey. An employees’ productivity can be effected by multiple reasons such as working environment, family situation, or even disease. Climpson industries did not investigate the problem of their company before they make this decision.

Another unstated assumption argument makes is that things like playing games are not necessarily a personal activity. The argument did not mention what kind of company Climpson is. Depends on what department their employee is working, playing games can be a necessary work for them to improve their working progress. For example, game developers have to play and test their game in order to achieve the best result. The definition of personal activities should base on department’s requirement of their work.

Finally, the whole purpose of Climpson Industries’ recommendation is to help company improve their overall profits. The argument assume the overall profits of Climpson Industries can be improved if their employee do not spent time on their personal activities, but it didn’t say how much time their employee are willing to spend on their personal activities. Taking appropriate time to rest human brain is an affected way to improve a human’s productivity. Climpson industries overall profit will not improve if they assume no resting time for employee is a good way to improve their productivity.

The argument makes several unstated assumptions which undermine its validity. Climpson industries will hurt their company’s over profit and reputation if they can treat their employees appropriate based on the right research result.

I am not a native English speaker. It is OK if you think some of my paragraphs should rewrite. I appreciate any feedback.