Help me check writing essay, thank you

Hello, i am the new member. I have studied Ielts Writing for 3 months and i have many mistakes in writing such as grammar, vocab and structure. Can you check my Writing post ? Thank you

This is my essays with title: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities to improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. What is your opinion?

In our contemporary life, fast lifestyle makes people become busier with their works. This let them make the most of their time effectively. While people believe that it is crucial to spend leisure time on outdoor or indoor activities to widen their horizions, others reckon they have to also relax their mind during their leisure time. To understand why they are such conflicting opinions, it is necessary to have a look at facts in favour of argurments

Firstly, using their time for activities bring people many advantages. For examples, indoor activities such as reading books, listening the music or doing word puzzles help them widen their knowledge and improve their mind. Moreover, outdoor activities like playing sports let people become more active and broaden their relationships, having many unforgottable memories with their close friends or relatives. In addition, these activities help human beings improve physical health and avoid sedentary lifestyle - related diseases such as obesity, ...

However, resting the mind is not bad idea to relax. After hard-working and stressful lessons or working hours, especially people having many mental work. They have to deal with literacy. Therefore, they must to sleep enough to rechange energy a rest. They avoid doing many activities because this causes getting sick or tired, affecting to their health

Although people's brain must be rested to supply ennergy, doing exercises with others is very important to build healthy body including mentally and physically. Each people should have own ways to relax to stay fit and healthy.