Help me check my essay in IELTS Writing Task 1

Question

Hello everyone. This is my first post in this forum. Can anyone help me check my essay, please? Thanks in advance.

Question: (see the picture above)

My answer:

The line graph indicates four sectors in terms of the number of acid rain emissions that they produced over a period of 17 years in the United Kingdom.

Overall, it is clear that acid rain emissions declined from 1990 to 2007 in all areas, namely electricity, gas and water supply, transport and communication, domestic and other industries. Also, it is notable that through the period, the quantities of emissions underwent the most dramatic decrease.

In 1990, it was nearly up to 3.5 million tonnes in the number of acid rain emissions in the field of electricity, gas and water supply. Meanwhile, that in the domestic sphere stood at roughly 0,5 million tonnes while the number of emissions of transport and communication remained at about 0.75. Approximately 2 million tonnes belonged to other industries.

From 1990 to 2007, the figures for the electricity, gas and water supply sector experienced a significant fall to round 0.5 million tons, dropping about 3 million tons. A gradual decrease was seen in domestic and other industries during the whole period. In contrast, the number of acid rain emissions from transport and communication grew unstable and was highest at more or less 1 million tons in 2005.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Th?t Nguy?nThe line graph indicates (1) four sectors (2) in terms of the (3) number of acid rain emissions that they produced over a period of 17 years (4)in the United Kingdom.

1. The verb "indicates" is not a good choice. Read my advice about the appropriate verbs.

2. "Sectors" is not specific. What sectors are on the graph? List the names of these four.

3. Numbers of emissions would be a count of the number of times that emissions occurred. For example: The factory emitted acid rain chemicals six times in the past week. I cannot see the graph, so I do not know if the units of measure is, for example, average number per week or total number per year.

4. The period of 17 years could be from 1893 to 1910 or 1940 to 1957 or any other 17 years in all of history. You must be specific.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Th?t Nguy?nThe line graph indicates (1) four sectors (2) in terms of the (3) number of acid rain emissions that they (4) produced over a period of 17 years (5)in the United Kingdom.

1. The verb "indicates" is not a good choice. Read my advice about the appropriate verbs.

2. "Sectors" is not specific. What sectors are on the graph? List the names of these four.

3. Numbers of emissions would be a count of the number of times that emissions occurred. For example: The factory emitted acid rain chemicals six times in the past week. I cannot see the graph, so I do not know if the units of measure is, for example, average number per week or total number per year.

4. There is no referent (noun) for this pronoun. You should use the passive voice.

4. The period of 17 years could be from 1893 to 1910 or 1940 to 1957 or any other 17 years in all of history. You must be specific.

The line graph compares the amounts of acid rain emissions that were produced by four sectors in the UK between 1991 and 2007. The four sectors are transportation, utilities, households and outer industries. Units are millions of tonnes (Mt).

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ (Avoid dummy it clauses. They have no information. Do not write any opinion words in Task 1.) acid rain emissions declined from 1990 to 2007 in all areas, namely electricity, gas and water supply, transport and communication, domestic and other industries.

The following sentence has no more information than the first one. It is repetitious. Delete it

Also, ~~it is notable that~~ (Avoid dummy it clauses. They have no information. Do not write any opinion words in Task 1.) through the period, the quantities (wrong word) of emissions underwent the most dramatic decrease.

In 1990, it was nearly up to (That is not good English. What is the subject? ) 3.5 million tonnes in the number (wrong word) of acid rain emissions in the field (wrong word) of electricity, gas and water supply. Meanwhile, that in the domestic sphere (wrong phrase) stood at roughly 0,5 million tonnes while the number of emissions of transport and communication remained at about 0.75. Approximately 2 million tonnes belonged (wrong word) to other industries.

From 1990 to 2007, the figures (wrong word) for the electricity, gas and water supply sector ~~experienced~~ (wrong word - emissions do not have experiences. Only people have experiences. Read my advice.) a fell significantly ~~fall~~ to round (wrong word) 0.5 million tons, dropping about 3 million tons. A gradual decrease was seen in domestic and other industries during the whole period. (The previous sentence is repetitious from the overall paragraph.) In contrast, the number of acid rain emissions from transport and communication grew unstable (wrong word) and was highest at more or less 1 million tons in 2005.

Anonymous · Answer

Th?t Nguy?nacid rain emissions

This does not make sense. Fall normally goes after the word rain. See this https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/rainfall You could talk of emissions of substances that cause acid rain.

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