HELP ME CHECK IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries..https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B83RoTw6yY1Ab3NNWmU1SE44ejA/view?usp=sharingThe line graph illustrates three different countries in terms of the percentage of people aged over 65 and more from 1940 to 2040. Overall, it is clear that the proportion of those over 65s is predicted to increase in each country. However, Japan is expected to remain the lowest percentage in most years over a period of 100 years.In 1940, just about 9 % of American people were 65 and more, compared with nearly 7,5 % and exactly 5% of Swedish and Japanese people respectively. Over the next 50 years, both the USA and Sweden witnessed a gradual increase, reaching to just below 5 % in 1990. In contrast, the figures for Japan remained consistently below 5% until the early 2000s.Looking into the future, Japan is expected to experience a sudden increase in terms of the percentage of elderly people, with a jump of 15% in just 10 years from 2030 to 2040. By 2040, it is thought that around 27% of population in Japan will be over 65, while the figures for Sweden and the USA will be slightly lower, at 25% and 23% respectively

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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The line graph illustrates three different countries (This is not a good beginning. The countries are not illustrated. ) in terms of the percentage of people aged over 65 and more from 1940 to 2040.

Overall, it is clear that the proportion of those over 65s is predicted to increase in each country. However, Japan is expected to remain the lowest percentage in most years over a period of 100 years. (Not a good description.)

In 1940, just about 9 % of American people were 65 and more, compared with nearly 7,5 % and exactly 5% of Swedish and Japanese people respectively. Over the next 50 years, both the USA and Sweden witnessed a gradual increase, reaching to just below 5 % in 1990. In contrast, the figures for Japan remained consistently below 5% until the early 2000s.

Looking into the future, Japan is expected to experience a sudden increase in terms of the percentage of elderly people, (You did not define what you mean by "elderly people.") with a jump of 15% in just 10 years from 2030 to 2040. By 2040, it is thought that around 27% of population in Japan will be over 65, while the figures for Sweden and the USA will be slightly lower, at 25% and 23% respectively (missing punctuation)

HELP ME CHECK IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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