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Guest Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

HELP !!! How can I reword this?

0 The paragraph below is for a piece aimed to children. The essay starts with a recipe and then this paragraph follows: 02br
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00" What you read a minute ago is an old recipe for sweet snow –Or, as it is better known today, ice cream! The Roman Emperor Nero was a big fan of sweet snow. Because there was no refrigeration at the time, ice cream had to be prepared with fresh snow that slaves would bring down from the surrounding mountains. " 02br
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00Is this ackward? It doesn't sound right to me but I can't think of a way to make it bettter without it making it "too adult". Can anybody please help? 0-
  

Top answer

0 Interesting, guest. Look forward to reading more. 0-

— Julielai

  • 0 Interesting, guest.
  • Look forward to reading more.
  • 0-
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5 Answers
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0 Interesting, guest. Look forward to reading more. 0-
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0 Thanks! Is it right or should I change something? 0-
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0 Well, there is something about it that doesn't seem to fit, but i can't pinpoint it. But it's good. 0-
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0 Ask children; they could give you some solution. 02br
00They know how to say it in the non-adult way. 0-
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0 I think that if this is for children, you may perhaps want to write slightly shorter sentences. 02br
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00"What you have just read is an old recipe for sweet snow. We still eat it today, but we call it - ice cream! The Roman Emperor Nero was a big fan of sweet snow. 02br
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00Back then, there were no fridges and freezers. Ice cream was made with fres
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