Help editing a sentence
I've the following sentence:
"In the United States, influenced by the birth of modern dance and prevailing psychotherapeutic methods, a group of dancers in the 1930s, switched focus from teaching dance to allowing individuals to integrate ‘bodymind’ and becoming the founders of DMT."
I've edited the above as
"In the United States, influenced by the birth of modern dance and prevailing psychotherapeutic methods, a group of dancers in the 1930s switched focus from teaching dance to allowing individuals to integrate ‘bodymind’ and thus becoming the founders of DMT"
Is this OK? Comma deletion is the simple rule of not separating the subject and verb. I want to know about the change I made to the other one. If there is more better version than this, please provide with an explanation. If you want to know the context in which the topic is discussed, few lines of the para are as below:
"Dance for healing has been around since prehistoric times and is found across cultures with examples of shaman and tribal dancing. DMT, although not fully studied, is a burgeoning form of this kind of intervention. In the United States, influenced by the birth of modern dance and prevailing psychotherapeutic methods, a group of dancers in the 1930s, switched focus from teaching dance to allowing individuals to integrate ‘bodymind’ [Q1] and becoming the founders of DMT. Growing organically from healing work with patients in hospitals and psychiatric institutions, DMT integrates the disciplines of dance and psychotherapy and utilizes the body to help the mind."
Top answer
As a follow up to the above, there is one more doubt in the below sentence that occurs exactly after the last sentence of the para I gave above: "DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions providing its therapeutic foundation" I feel a comma should be needed before the word "providing" because "DMT's relying on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions" is the therapeutic foundation of DMT. Or would it be appropriate to change the above sentence as "DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions and thus providing its therapeutic foundation" Awaiting discussion on this one....
- As a follow up to the above, there is one more doubt in the below sentence that occurs exactly after the last sentence of the para I gave above: "DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions providing its therapeutic foundation" I feel a comma should be needed before the word "providing" because "DMT's relying on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions" is the therapeutic foundation of DMT.
- Or would it be appropriate to change the above sentence as "DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions and thus providing its therapeutic foundation" Awaiting discussion on this one....
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"DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions providing its therapeutic foundation"
I feel a comma should be needed before the word "providing" because "DMT's relying on the physicality of movement to
0DMT relies on the physicality of movement to allow the client to express emotions, providing its therapeutic foundation.
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