Help! Any revision and/or proofreading suggestions would be so appreciated

Prompt: Write an autobiographical essay about your choice of FIT and major, your special interests and awards, honors, employment background, goals, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

Dear Admissions Committee:

I am a prospective student applying for admission to the fashion design program at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

As far back as I can remember, even as a small child, I recognized in myself a deep passion for fashion and had the ultimate goal of becoming a top designer for the fashion and entertainment industries. I believe that FIT will be a great building block toward that goal. After learning of your school’s history and reputation for developing the finest designers in the industry, I know that attending the institute would gain for me the training and experience I need to obtain my ambition. I am a hard-working, determined individual who will strive to surpass expectations and I hope to be able to contribute to the school’s repute.

As a very goal-oriented person, I have already set a few standards in order to achieve my aspiration. First, I want to acquire the necessary skills to succeed in the industry by attending a prestigious school, such as FIT. Secondly, I plan to obtain an internship with a recognized designer or company such as Michael Kors, Carolina Herrera, or Zara. Once I have gained the skills and experience I need, I then plan to open my own company and develop several clothing lines.

Fashion is the right vocation for me to pursue because I have a deep appreciation for beauty in art and design. Considering my background, it’s easy to see a drive for fashion. As a kid, my favorite pastime was creating clothing out of unconventional materials. I was known to use colorful socks to create new outfits for my Barbie dolls or to drape beach towels and bed sheets into evening gowns for myself and my sisters. As I grew older, my passion grew as well. Throughout school, I took great pleasure in creating costumes and was very proud to design and construct my dress for senior prom.

I am a 2003 graduate of Jackson Central Merry High in Jackson, TN. Throughout my school experience, I most enjoyed the art classes. After graduation, I attended Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University to study Business Administration. I have since left Florida A & M University to instead focus on the design aspect of the fashion industry. I am currently taking online course with the Art Institute of San Francisco to move in the direction of my ultimate goal.

My very first job was working as a volunteer at Western Mental Health Institute. I was involved in such activities as clerical assistance, errand running, and event planning for patients and employees. I was received the Most Versatile and Most Creative volunteer awards, as well as the Most Hours award for 2 years in a row. During high school and my first year of college, I worked at Suede’s Restaurant. I was first assigned as a hostess, but over the four year employment period, I learned several roles including waiting tables, food preparation, and some management. For two years of college, I worked part-time at Lady Footlocker. This was my first taste of customer service with respect to retail. I learned to meet customer needs while maintaining business goals. I was able to incorporate fashion into this job by offering customers items to match and coordinate with shoes and apparel.

In the summer of 2005, I had the opportunity to work as an activities leader for Astoria Park Elementary School. I was responsible for tutoring and supervising students as well as providing meaningful learning experiences through creative activities. It was an amazing experience for me because I was able to integrate my artistic enthusiasm and my passion for children. After the summer program ended, I became a live operator with PATLive. This job has enhanced my customer service skills by allowing me to deal with a variety of situations and my typing skills as typing is a major part of the job. I have also become an active listener and am able to communicate and relate to others better.

In my free time, I enjoy arts and crafts. I am a great lover of anything having to do with art. I love to sew, knit, and crochet as well as paint and draw. When I’m not caught up in my own creations, I love spending time interacting with children. I find them to be so inspiring in art as well as life in general. Another major part of my spare time is spent in church. In addition to weekly worship services and bible study, I recently joined the drama ministry and enjoy the task of working on costumes and the production of performances. When I am not in church or doing arts and crafts, I like to read, watch movies, and play tennis.

With respect to fashion, I study periodicals and view runway shows at www.newyorkmetro.com as well as attend local college fashion shows in order to keep up with the latest ideas in the fashion world. I constantly practice rendering and illustrating techniques so as to sharpen my skills and find the best mediums of use. My strengths would include my ability to learn and adapt quickly, ambition, creativity, perseverance, and intelligence as well as my sewing and drawing skills. My present weaknesses are my lack of formal training and experience in the industry as well as rendering and sketching flats. To get an idea of the FIT curriculum, I studied two book recommended by the faculty, Portfolio for the Fashion Designer by Linda Tain and Illustrating Fashion by Steven Stipelman. I believe that the books have helped me improve upon my weaknesses with respect to rendering and sketching flats. However, I do look forward to further tuning those skills at FIT and receiving critiques about my work.

When it comes to design, I really admire distinct styles. For that reason, three of my favorite designers are Carolina Herrera, Michaels Kors, and Betsey Johnson. I also have a budding interest in classic and vintage designs with a modern twist. My only dislike is a lack of creativity. I cannot respect any design or work of art that is deficient in thought or thoroughness.