Hello please help me with this IELTS essay of Writing task 2 !

Hello,

My name is Hai Anh and I am from Vietnam. I will sit the IELTS exam on April 19.

I have done this essay for Writing task 2 and really need someone to help me correct the errors I have made.

Thank you so much !

Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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It is a common belief that mental strength plays the key role to achieve success in sports. Meanwhile, some other people agree that it should be taken more into account the significance of physical health. In my standpoint, these two factors have the same value for the aim of obtaining success and should be regarded as the cornerstones if one dreams to reach his targets when playing football, basketball or

On the one hand, it is undeniable that if an athlete has always spent time maintaining and developing his or her intellectual competence, that person will be likely to fully understand the nature of the sports as well as know what tasks should be done to optimize the opportunities to be successful. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo has been participating in numerous football matches and why he is always honored to be one of the top players all over the world? The reason is that this person is not only attractive and possesses a muscular body but also attracts a thousand fans and even football coaches thanks to his ability to evaluate the common situation of all those matches and know what tactics should be utilised to help all his teammates perform better.

On the other hand, physical strength seems to be one of the top missions no athlete can underestimate on the way to win the victory. For such a long competition which may last over one hour, those strong people with highly outstanding endurance will be easier to overcome all the obstacles to be successful. No Vietnamese person can forget the most striking moment when the U23 football team was “shining on a snowy stage” in China a few years ago and despite the awful temperature and climate there all of our young men still strived their best to make one of the must-see matches in the history of Vietnamese football. Without fantastic physical health, without an “iron” spirit, how could they succeed in that extraordinary way?

For those reasons, I might say it is not mental or physical health which should precede because those two factors have the same value and it seems to be incomplete if someone just pays attention to promote his intellect or wisdom or thoroughly concentrates on enhancing the physical health. Instead, how to balance between the two elements should be the matter of concern if people wish to be developed in their career of playing sports.