Hello. Please help me correct my IELTS task 2 essay.

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In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been an increase in childhood obesity and other health problems in recent years. Some people believe that it is the government’s responsibility to alleviate this alarming issue, which I partly agree with as in my opinion, we should also emphasize the active role of parenting and school settings.

On the one hand, without the governments’ policies and interference, obesity rates and other health issues children in many nations are faced with will less likely be solved. Some high-intensity marketing launched by fast food corporations are not censored by local authorities or run without limitations. They target children who can easily fall for and frequently consume unhealthy junk food, thereby causing them to be overweight. If the governments impose stricter rules against advertising of fast food, this may help with mitigating obesity and other diseases.

On the other hand, parents and schools are also liable for their children’s good health. Adults are sometimes so busy working and ensuring material well-being of the family that they fail to keep an eye on their children’s eating habits and to provide them with a regular mealtime structure on a daily basis. Children, in this case, may have the habit of binge eating snacks and other unhealthy food and therefore gain weight out of control. In addition, as children spend most time at school, teachers and school leading figures should be held responsible for educating children of the significance of exercising and moderation in eating and drinking. Schools should also make sure that the canteen serves food that is good for health. All of this explains why parental care and schools’ attention is so crucial in ensuring children’s balanced diet.

In conclusion, although governments play an important role in enhancing young children’s health, it is also the job of parents and schools as we need joint efforts in reducing childhood obesity and other health issues.