Hello Im learning Ielts by my self. Please help me correct my essay and rank it. Thank in advance it
The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000.
The line graph provides information about the proportion of male and female smokers per 1000 residents in Someland over the period of four decades starting from 1960.
As can be seen from the graph, it’s evident that the rate of men who smoked witnessed a downward trend. Meanwhile, the rate of women’s in Someland experienced a upward trend despite some fluctuations over the given year.
In 1960, there are about 600 men who smoked per 1000 people. Overtime, the rate of male smokers rend to go down. From 1960 to 1985, the ratio of men who smoked in Someland decline nearby 200 people each 1000 citizents. Between 1985 to 2000, it’s bottom out at about 150 residents. In 2000, there are 250 male smokers.
Whereas, in 1960, there are 100 female smokers each 1000 residents. In 1975, the rate of women who smoked in someland reach a peak at approximate 300 people. The remaining period, it’s mildly decline from 300 to 200 females smokers per 1000 citizents.
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Please attach an image of the graph. We need to see what you are writing about.
0Please read my advice for Task 1: essays:
The line graph provides information about (That is very vague. "Information about" could be a lot of different things. In Task 1, it is very important to be objective, mathematical and precise. ) the proportion plots / gives / shows the number
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