hello, am writing a motivational letter for a masters degree application and i would appreciate it so much if i could get some help editing to remove unnecessary parts and adding necessary components . suggestions, contributions are all very much...

Dear Sir or Madam:
With this letter, I would like to express my interest in studying at the University of ABC as an Investment and Risk Finance (Msc) student.
I am very committed to a career in Investment and Risk Finance and have been to several career presentations, whilst also speaking to recruiters to research this area in more depth. I therefore believe that, undertaking a Masters in Investment and Risk Finance would be an essential first step towards my career ambition.
I completed my undergraduate program in Actuarial Science from the XYZ in June 2013.
Business and finance are ubiquitous in my life and in my spare time. On my final year project in college, I conducted a study to measure the investment performance of the financial institutions listed on the Ghana Stock Exchange (GSE) for a five year period (2006 - 2010), with the main objective of advising potential investors on the financial institution it would be best to invest in. I determined the investment risks of these institutions using data from the GSE, and with the help of their evaluated returns and performance measures such as the Jensens alpha, Treynor ratio and sharp ratio; I evaluated the performance of the listed financial institutions on the GSE for the period under study. I have since through the experience gathered during my thesis, advised friends, family members and other potential investors on how and where to invest. I am a keen global market enthusiast and keep abreast of the latest developments taking place, by regularly reading the World Finance magazine and the Financial Times. My other hobbies include playing football and reading fictional and mathematical books.

I currently possess a strong theoretical basic understanding of investment and risk finance, lacking practical application of these concepts. I am therefore interested in this course because it encapsulates an advanced insight into novel investment and risk financial practices pertaining to organizational and practical contexts, whilst concurrently developing an understanding of accounting and general management tools, making the course a diverse and challenging proposition.
My short-term goal is to secure a job as an analyst at an investment bank or a consultant at an audit firm. My long-term goal is to attain a professional qualification such as the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA), therefore the modules on offer within this course, such as data analysis, modern portfolio management, financial derivatives, risk management: theory, practice, critique to name a few, will be a beneficial prerequisite as I can leverage my current knowledge with these new learned skills to aid me in successfully attaining one of my desired qualifications.

My interest in Investment and Risk Finance mainly stems from academia. I developed a strong passion for Finance and investment as I studied courses like mathematics of finance and investment, corporate finance, mathematical models in finance, advanced corporate finance and principles of economics to mention a few during my undergraduate coursework in Actuarial Science. I thoroughly enjoyed studying internal and external risk management, financial forwards and futures, hedging, swaps and derivatives. It always gives me great satisfaction to have a new concept in finance or investment at my grasp. This passion for finance and investment propelled my desire to pursue a career in Investment and Risk finance on a corporate scale.
My degree incorporated many statistical, quantitative, business and financial modules that have helped me to grasp a basic solid foundation and understanding of accounting principles and financial conventions, which will aid me in successfully completing this course. I look to gain from this course an understanding of the practical applications of these conventions that I could successfully utilize in a work situation.

I had the opportunity to put into practice some of the theories I leant from college, during an internship with Donewell Life Insurance Company Limited, where I assisted the insurance underwriters in calculating possible risk and determining the pricing for policies. I was also involved in computing results for appropriate premiums using actuarial information, other statistics and own judgment. I recently completed my compulsory one year National Service with the Association of Church-Based Development NGOs (ACDEP). I worked as a Data Analyst at ACDEP, where I processed data for credit request to banks on behalf of Farmer Organizations. The work experience I have gathered has also gone to well prepare me for the Msc Investment and Risk Finance as I have gained some practical knowledge of courses like data analysis and risk management which form part of the core modules of the program.
ABC University has a great international environment welcoming students from over 100 countries. I believe studying at ABC will enhance my employability in any part of the world due to the high quality of education and professional relevance of the courses offered at ABC. London, being the location of the university, serves as an additional incentive for me, as London is the world's largest financial centre. I believe I will have several opportunities to learn at my disposal as I will be exposed to several organizations and companies including the London Stock Exchange Group.
I aim to learn as much as possible about the UK economy, which is regarded as the sixth largest national economy measured by nominal gross domestic product (GDP). I believe my country needs highly trained professionals from the best institutions from exemplary countries like the UK who can contribute to the economic upturn of Ghana, through strategic investments and good economic policies. I am also excited about studying in the United Kingdom because UK qualifications are regarded all over the world. The cultural diversity in the UK is also an essential experience, I would love to have.
Ultimately, I will bring a desire to succeed where I will regularly contribute within lectures, group discussions and social activities. I feel I can share my passion, knowledge and experiences in finance and investment with fellow peers and helping them with any issues whilst simultaneously learning from them. Furthermore, I see this as a vital platform to achieving my future goals.
Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours faithfully,
Vincent Songotu