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Jcecil55 Posted 10 years ago
Hello all. Honest critics if your please.
In spring.
Through this airy window; from the corner of my eye,
the simple curtain dances slow; a kiss from spring wafts by.
Oh so lyrical, yet crisp; of grace a morsel born.
In this gleam of time, I'm neither weary, tired or worn.
For I am just a fleck of flour in bread still yet to come -
Each grain is kissed by pure soft rain, and light,
from warm lit sun.
Through this airy window; from the corner of my eye,
the simple curtain dances slow; a kiss from spring wafts by.
Oh so lyrical, yet crisp; of grace a morsel born.
In this gleam of time, I'm neither weary, tired or worn.
For I am just a fleck of flour in bread still yet to come -
Each grain is kissed by pure soft rain, and light,
from warm lit sun.
Top answer
Hello, Jcecil55—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member. Jcecil55 Honest critics if your please I rather like it!
- Hello, Jcecil55—and welcome to English Forums.
- Thank you for registering as a member.
- Jcecil55 Honest critics if your please I rather like it!
- That's a very nice idea, quite contained.
- However, the meter seems to stagger in a couple of places, where we would expect a paean to spring to remain very lyrical.
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2 Answers
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Hello, Jcecil55—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member.
However, the meter seems to stagger in a couple of places, where we would expect a paean to spring to remain very lyrical. There are a couple of logical anomalies ('wea
Jcecil55Honest critics if your pleaseI rather like it! That's a very nice idea, quite contained.
However, the meter seems to stagger in a couple of places, where we would expect a paean to spring to remain very lyrical. There are a couple of logical anomalies ('wea
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Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. Such clarity is simple.
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