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Tile ladder Posted 8 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Healthcare Provision

Topic: Some people feel that healthcare provision should be free, while others believe that healthcare should be paid for by the individual. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In these days, it is a matter of hot debate whether or not healthcare service should be provided free of charge. While many people argue that the government ought to cover all the necessary fees, there are others who voice their disapproval and say it is the citizens themselves who should settle the bill for such provision.


It is undeniable that people who support the idea of free healthcare provision have sensible reasons to hold onto their belief. First of all, it is a matter of fact that people pay tax annually for social services. According to one research conducted in Canada, an adult there has to pay approximately 10% of his average income for healthcare insurance. Therefore, the government should use the money they have collected by taxes in order to supply free healthcare service. Secondly, this method serves a higher moral purpose as it provides an equal opportunity for everyone to be examined and treated. There will no longer be any discrimination between the rich and the poor. Moreover, this will benefit low-income families extensively because it widens the chance to be cured of diseases and be able to keep up with the normal life again for them.


On the other hand, many people maintain that it is better to have healthcare provision paid by the individual. One of the most legitimate reasons for this is that it raises people’s responsibility as well as awareness of the importance of their health. For instance, there are many people who do not take healthcare into serious consideration which results in their developing diseases and having to go to the hospital to seek advice and help from professional doctors. In this case, the fees they pay for such a service can be perceived as part of the consequence they have to bear for their negligence and underestimation of health. This will eventually make them come to the realization that by taking care of themselves properly, not only do they do better physically and mentally but they also save plenty of money, time and effort. Therefore, it will ultimately lead them to a healthier lifestyle.


In short, both methods show different valuable advantages. While free healthcare service benefits people in terms of fees and equality, paying for it helps to develop a sense of duty and awareness. In my view, I believe that every citizen should pay for this service individually.


Can anyone give me some comments and feedback about this piece of writing? Thank you so much!

  

Top answer

Assuming that this is an IELTS Task 2 essay: There are three requirements for Band 7 in Task Achievement: 1) addresses all parts of the task 2) presents a clear position throughout the response 3) presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus Leaving your own opinion to the final sentence does not meet the second criterion. Your view needs to be stated in the introduction, and each body paragraph slanted accordingly. The second paragraph should show why the arguments in favor of free healthcare provision do not hold water; and the third explain why you support the view that individuals should pay.

  • Assuming that this is an IELTS Task 2 essay: There are three requirements for Band 7 in Task Achievement: 1) addresses all parts of the task 2) presents a clear position throughout the response 3) presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus Leaving your own opinion to the final sentence does not meet the second criterion.
  • Your view needs to be stated in the introduction, and each body paragraph slanted accordingly.
  • The second paragraph should show why the arguments in favor of free healthcare provision do not hold water; and the third explain why you support the view that individuals should pay.
  • The first sentence of the conclusion also needs adjusting.
  • As it all stands, the essay does "express a position but the development (of that position) is not always clear".
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1 Answers
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Assuming that this is an IELTS Task 2 essay:

There are three requirements for Band 7 in Task Achievement:

1) addresses all parts of the task
2) presents a clear position throughout the response
3) presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

Leaving your own opinion to the final

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