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Mr. Tom Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
He turned her plate upside down in the air.
Hi
I am TRYING to write a short story that is based on facts. A very cruel person (completely psycho) finds different (novel) ways to toruture and humiliate his innocent and helpless wife. The following incident is true.
Could you please see the following lines and tell me if they read naturally? Any suggestion is welcome.
He turns the plate upside down in the air and the whole rice falls onto the floor. She grimaces. He romoves his shoes and crushes the rice beneath his bare feet. Even if he feels the burning, he doesn't let it show. Then sitting in a nearby chair, he lifts his legs and signals her to eat the rice stuck to his dirty soles.
Thanks,
Tom
I am TRYING to write a short story that is based on facts. A very cruel person (completely psycho) finds different (novel) ways to toruture and humiliate his innocent and helpless wife. The following incident is true.
Could you please see the following lines and tell me if they read naturally? Any suggestion is welcome.
He turns the plate upside down in the air and the whole rice falls onto the floor. She grimaces. He romoves his shoes and crushes the rice beneath his bare feet. Even if he feels the burning, he doesn't let it show. Then sitting in a nearby chair, he lifts his legs and signals her to eat the rice stuck to his dirty soles.
Thanks,
Tom
Top answer
He turns the plate upside down and all of the rice falls onto the floor. She grimaces. He removes his shoes and crushes the rice beneath his bare feet.
- He turns the plate upside down and all of the rice falls onto the floor.
- She grimaces.
- He removes his shoes and crushes the rice beneath his bare feet.
- Even if he feels the burning, he doesn't let it show.
- Then , sitting down in a nearby chair, he raises his feet and signals her to eat the rice stuck to his dirty soles.
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5 Answers
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He turns the plate upside down and all of the rice falls onto the floor. She grimaces. He removes his shoes and crushes the rice beneath his bare feet. Even if he feels the burning, he doesn't let it show. Then, sitting down in a nearby chair, he raises his feet and signals her to eat the rice stuck to his dirty soles.
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Many thanks, MM!
Could you please see this and help me make it natural? Any suggestions are welcome.
Her mind, mixture of multiple emotions, loathing for him, pity for herself, anger at ***, ceases functioning altogether. With heavy steps and an uncontrollably shaking body she walks up to him, and sits on the floor. His raised feet are only a foot from her face. Her disgust is c
Could you please see this and help me make it natural? Any suggestions are welcome.
Her mind, mixture of multiple emotions, loathing for him, pity for herself, anger at ***, ceases functioning altogether. With heavy steps and an uncontrollably shaking body she walks up to him, and sits on the floor. His raised feet are only a foot from her face. Her disgust is c
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Her mind, a mixture of multiple emotions– loathing for him, pity for herself, anger at ***– ceases functioning altogether. With heavy steps and an uncontrollably shaking body she walks up to him and sits on the floor. His raised feet are only a few inches from her face. Disgust overwhelms her as the shapeless chunks of crushed rice confront her
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I am grateful, MM.
As per your advice, I am trying to be as brief as possible.
Cowered in the dim corner of the room, still shivering from cold and fear, Ninda Ilyana has no idea what has happened, what she has done. Across (from her?), he is lying supine?, eyes closed, and there is no telling if he is alive. The amount of (the?) coagulated blood round (near?) him suggests he
As per your advice, I am trying to be as brief as possible.
Cowered in the dim corner of the room, still shivering from cold and fear, Ninda Ilyana has no idea what has happened, what she has done. Across (from her?), he is lying supine?, eyes closed, and there is no telling if he is alive. The amount of (the?) coagulated blood round (near?) him suggests he
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Cowering in the dim corner of the room and shivering from cold and fear, Ninda Ilyana has no idea what she has done. He lies across from her, eyes closed, and she cannot tell if he is alive. The coagulated blood around him suggests he is not. She wishes she were in his place.
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