He picked a marker and started
Hi
Are these OK?
He picked up a marker and started making crazy marks on the white wall.
Or
He picked up a marker and started drawing crazy lines on the white wall.
Thanks,
Tom
Top answer
Mr. Tom Are these OK? They are both acceptable natural English, but the second is better because you don't repeat "mark", not that repetition is necessarily bad, but in this case it looks deliberate, and the reader is left poking around for the reason for a fraction of a second, which distracts from the narrative.
- Mr.
- Tom Are these OK?
- They are both acceptable natural English, but the second is better because you don't repeat "mark", not that repetition is necessarily bad, but in this case it looks deliberate, and the reader is left poking around for the reason for a fraction of a second, which distracts from the narrative.
- Also, "crazy lines" works better than "crazy marks" image-wise; "crazy marks" begs for more detail.
- That said, in self-editing fiction, you should try to locate every adverb and adjective you have written and either simply delete it or accomplish the same thing with a verb or a simile or dialogue—anything but an adverb or adjective.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
Mr. TomAre these OK?
They are both acceptable natural English, but the second is better because you don't repeat "mark", not that repetition is necessarily bad, but in this case it looks deliberate, and the reader is left poking around for the reason for a fraction of a second, which distracts from the narrative. Also, "crazy lines" works better than "crazy
0
Related Questions