Have I correctly written the following sentences using ‘birthday that day,’ ‘funeral,’ ‘lying breathless,’ and ‘went to college’?

Question

Have I correctly written the following sentences using ‘birthday that day,’ ‘funeral,’ ‘lying breathless,’ and ‘went to college’? Is it acceptable that I’ve used ‘watching’ and ‘looking’ in a single sentence?

James was my best friend. It was his 19th birthday that day. I was at the funeral, watching, looking at him lying breathless in his coffin. Two years ago, both of us went to college.

Wilpeter · Accepted Answer

RommelJames was my best friend.

I would normally expect to read, “James had been my best friend,” if he has died recently.
“It was his 19^thbirthday that day.”

RommelIt was his 19th birthday that day.

If it is his funeral, he must have died just prior to reaching his birthday; so I would say, “It would have been his 19^thbirthday that day.”

RommelI was at the funeral, watching, looking at him lying breathless in his coffin.

“watching” implies ongoing action (perhaps a service); whereas, “looking at” implies non-action. “breathless” may very well be descriptive, but is usually applied to a living person; however, it seems to work here.

RommelTwo years ago, both of us went to college.

Spoken of a completed event, it is correct; but I might have said, “Two years ago, we had both attended college.”

Rommel · Answer

wilpeterTwo years ago, we had both attended college.

So, you mean, wilpeter, the past perfect tense (i.e. had attended) can be used even if there's a specific time element mentioned, that is, two years ago? Don't you know that here in my country textbooks in English say that specific time elements like 'two year ago,' 'yesterday,' etc. must be used only with the simple past tense?

Xerxes · Answer

RommelSo, you mean, wilpeter, the past perfect tense (i.e. had attended) can be used even if there's a specific time element mentioned, that is, two years ago? Don't you know that here in my country textbooks in English say that specific time elements like 'two year ago,' 'yesterday,' etc. must be used only with the simple past tense?

Your textbooks are correct. However, you have already set a certain point of time in the past, which is the funeral. That's your original point of reference, time-wise. So, anything that happened before the funeral should be used with the past perfect, if you want to be grammatical. What I would do in such a situation is state when the two of you went to college with respect to the funeral, NOT with respect to today. E.g.

. . . in his coffin. Just two years (or whatever the period of time is prior to the funeral) before, the two of us had gone to college together.

Otherwise, if you leave it in the simple past at the end, it looks very awkward.

Have I correctly written the following sentences using ‘birthday that day,’ ‘funeral,’ ‘lying breathless,’ and ‘went to college’?

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