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Rommel Posted 8 years ago
Grammar

Have I correctly used 'focuses' and 'highlights' in this sentence?

Have I correctly used 'focuses' and 'highlights' in this sentence? Please help me. Thank you very much.

The vision of the university where Jason studies focuses on a person’s holistic formation, and the mission of this educational institution highlights the spirit of social change.

  

Top answer

There is too much jargon and repetition here. The vision of the university where Jason studies is to develop each student in mind, body and spirit , and its mission is to promote progressive social change.

  • There is too much jargon and repetition here.
  • The vision of the university where Jason studies is to develop each student in mind, body and spirit , and its mission is to promote progressive social change.
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1 Answers
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There is too much jargon and repetition here.

The vision of the university where Jason studies is to develop each student in mind, body and spirit, and its mission is to promote progressive social change.

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