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Contiluo Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Have a crush on her
The paragraph originally written by a teenage boy has been revised by me. Please help me correct the errors. Thanks!
I like my classmate Peggy, who is a breezy, cheerful, and lovely girl. She is a sight for sore eyes in my class. Although I didn’t know her before, I am still impatient for making friends with her now. I’m quite taken with her distinguished voice, and I’m appealing to her naive. Her smile makes me blush. My heart just goes crazy whenever I’m around her. Every time even if I only have a short talk with her, I always feel as happy as an angel. However, she is so subtle and elusive that I am not able to penetrate her thoughts. When she was sick one day, I was inexplicably in a bad mood. I think I have a crush on her. Therefore, I’m confessing my love to her, “Peggy, let me walk into your heart, so that I can know what you like.”
I like my classmate Peggy, who is a breezy, cheerful, and lovely girl. She is a sight for sore eyes in my class. Although I didn’t know her before, I am still impatient for making friends with her now. I’m quite taken with her distinguished voice, and I’m appealing to her naive. Her smile makes me blush. My heart just goes crazy whenever I’m around her. Every time even if I only have a short talk with her, I always feel as happy as an angel. However, she is so subtle and elusive that I am not able to penetrate her thoughts. When she was sick one day, I was inexplicably in a bad mood. I think I have a crush on her. Therefore, I’m confessing my love to her, “Peggy, let me walk into your heart, so that I can know what you like.”
Top answer
contiluo originally written by a teenage boy I think that is you.
- contiluo originally written by a teenage boy I think that is you.
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5 Answers
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contiluooriginally written by a teenage boyI think that is you.
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As I have commented before, your major changes to the original person's writing does not do them any favors.
I am unable to conceive of a teenage boy writing "I always feel as happy as an angel." It also seems unlikely that the same person who would write "impatient for making friends" would write "so subtle and elusive that I am not able to penetrate her thoughts." They are very differen
I am unable to conceive of a teenage boy writing "I always feel as happy as an angel." It also seems unlikely that the same person who would write "impatient for making friends" would write "so subtle and elusive that I am not able to penetrate her thoughts." They are very differen
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contiluoI amI am impatient to make friends with her now.stillimpatient for making friends with her now.
contiluoand I’m appealing to her naive.This does not make any sense. What is the intended meaning?
contiluoEver
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Anonymous Did you eat breakfast?Yes, I just finished eating my toasted English muffin, coffee and fruit.
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