Halloween

Question

Hi, I'm feeling like writing a composition in order to increase my writing skills, so here it goes, a composition about my favourite movie ever: Halloween.

It was a cold autumm Halloween night in Haddonfield, a small town in Illinois when Michael Myers was a 6 year-old boy came into his home, got a knife and stabbed his older sister to death, with no apparent reason.

After that, Michael was sent to Smith Grove's Mental Health Hospital, a minimum security hospital in the small city of Smith Grove. Dr. Sam Loomis, his doctor, required that he was sent to a maximum security hospital because he knew that Michael was not a patient like the others. Moomis' superiors mocked at him, they did not believe that such a young, pale, emotionless boy could do harm to anyone. But they were wrong.

Fifteen years later, in a rainy October 30th night, Dr. Loomis drove with a nurse to Smith Grove in order to take him to justice as he was an adult and he was going to be judge by the law as an adult. It was raining dogs and cats and they could not see that there were some patients walking around the yard. They wondered what they were doing, in a rainy night out there, walking around. Dr. Loomis left the car to open the main gates, when Michael suddently jumped over the car and started to hit it, to make the nurse leave the car. She was so scary that she could do nothing but protecting herself. Michael, still over the car, his a side window, breaking the glass. The nurse, scary ran out of the car and Michael came in, started the car and ran away.

What do you think of my composition so far? Please, correct my mistakes and tell me how can I improve it. I'm working hard to increase my english all the time.

Tomorrow I'm going to finish the story.

Spinnaker · Accepted Answer

I'm looking forward to hearing from you!
It's a good story.
I've never heard something about this movie, but it seems, that it is an interessting movie.

Lulla · Answer

SpinnakerI'm looking forward to hearing from you!
It's a good story.
I've never heard something about this movie, but it seems, that it is an interessting movie.

Thanks, Spinnaker. You should watch this movie sometime, if you're into horror movies, it's a must-see one. And what about my english? Is it good?

Spinnaker · Answer

OK, I will see this movie, if I've got it.
About your english. In my opinion it's good or very good. I don't can write like you, so from my side, it's very well.

Lulla · Answer

SpinnakerOK, I will see this movie, if I've got it.
About your english. In my opinion it's good or very good. I don't can write like you, so from my side, it's very well.

Thanks, Spin. Go and watch the movie, I'm sure you'll like it

If you don't mind, I noticed two mistakes.

1. "I've got it". I don't know if I'd say this, I'd say "I will see this movie, if I get it".
2. "I don't can". I'd say just "I can't".

Aster · Answer

Hello Halloween,

It was a wonderful composition. Let me try to add a few points from a grammar perspective.

It was a cold autumm Halloween night in Haddonfield, a small town in Illinois when Michael Myers was a 6 year-old boy came into his home, got a knife and stabbed his older sister to death, with no apparent reason.

It was a cold autumm Halloween night in Haddonfield, a small town in Illinois . When Michael Myers was a 6 year-old boy , he came into his home, got a knife and stabbed his older sister to death, with no apparent reason.

After that, Michael was sent to Smith Grove's Mental Health Hospital, a minimum security hospital in the small city of Smith Grove. Dr. Sam Loomis, his doctor, required that he was sent to a maximum security hospital because he knew that Michael was not a patient like the others. Moomis' superiors mocked at him, they did not believe that such a young, pale, emotionless boy could do harm to anyone. But they were wrong.

After this incident, Michael was sent to Smith Grove's Mental Health Hospital, a minimum security hospital in the small city of Smith Grove. Dr. Sam Loomis, his doctor, required that Michael be sent to a maximum security hospital . The Dr. knew that Michael was not a patient like the others. Moomis' superiors mocked at him, they did not believe that such a young, pale, emotionless boy could do harm to anyone. But he were wrong.

Fifteen years later, in a rainy October 30th night, Dr. Loomis drove with a nurse to Smith Grove in order to take him to justice as he was an adult and he was going to be judge by the law as an adult. It was raining dogs and cats and they could not see that there were some patients walking around the yard. They wondered what they were doing, in a rainy night out there, walking around. Dr. Loomis left the car to open the main gates, when Michael suddently jumped over the car and started to hit it, to make the nurse leave the car. She was so scary that she could do nothing but protecting herself. Michael, still over the car, his a side window, breaking the glass. The nurse, scary ran out of the car and Michael came in, started the car and ran away.

Fifteen years later,on a rainy October night ( or on the rainy night of October 30 ) , Dr. Loomis drove with a nurse to Smith Grove in order to take Michael to justice as Michael was an adult and was going to be judged by the law as an adult. It was raining cats and dogs and one could not see some patients walking around the yard. They wondered what the patients were doing, in a rainy night out there, walking around. Dr. Loomis left the car to open the main gates, when Michael suddently jumped over the car and started to hit it, to make the nurse leave the car. She was so scared that she could do nothing but protect herself. Michael, still over the car, hit a side window,and broke the glass. Scared , the nurse ran out of the car after which Michael came in, started the car and ran away.

Halloween , i have made some modifications to the sentences give by you. There were some unspecified references and sentence tense corrections i have made. Hope this is all right. The composition written by you is of excellent quality.

Please let me know in case i have made any mistakes in my corrections.

Lulla · Answer

Hi Aster,

Thank you very much for your corrections. Indeed, your points seem to be right. I wrote it yesterday and now, as I read it, I noticed that I could've done better. That's a good thing, 'coz it means I'm trying my best. Thanks again, Aster.

Spinnaker · Answer

Lulla
SpinnakerOK, I will see this movie, if I've got it.
About your english. In my opinion it's good or very good. I don't can write like you, so from my side, it's very well.

Thanks, Spin. Go and watch the movie, I'm sure you'll like it
If you don't mind, I noticed two mistakes.

1. "I've got it". I don't know if I'd say this, I'd say "I will see this movie, if I get it".
2. "I don't can". I'd say just "I can't".
Thank you for the corrections. But I don't can can also be right like this (so I think) I can not isn't it?

Lulla · Answer

Now I understand you. It makes sense.
I don't (negative) can (ability). I can't = I cannot. You could've said "I don't have the ability to ..." instead.

Lulla · Answer

As I promissed, I'm going to finish the story.

Michael Myers ran away.
In the morning next, Haddonfield seemed so peacefull, falling leaves, gray sky, conforable gray sky. Dr. Loomis knew Michael Myers was driving to Haddonfield. He'd been his doctor for 15 years after all, and he knew whom he was dealing with.

As Michael arrived in Haddonfield, he started to search who he came for: Laurie Strode, a young, bookish high-school student, who works sometimes as a baby-sitter. Peaceful girl, she always rather to baby-sit to go out with guys for "one night stands". She had seen Myers a few times during the day, wearing a white mask, watching her at school, following her while she's going home, but it's rather usual to wear a mask and scary people when it's October 31st. She felt something was going wrong...

By night, Laurie left home to go to the Dooyle's house to baby-sit their boy. Laurie's friends had something more to do instead of baby-sitting. They all had dates and Halloween night sounded a great time to "have fun over the bed".

Night's going darker and colder...

I'll keep on the story tomorrow.

I thank everyone who's read this and commented, point out mistakes and helping me to increase my writing skills.

Lulla · Answer

Anyone else?

Halloween

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