Gre Issue Writing Trial (reupload with corrections)

Hello. This is my first writing essay. I corrected its structure by modifying the introductory paragraph, adding a conclusion and putting some additional words here and there. The previous version can be found at https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/GreIssueWritingTrial/bmvmrz/post.htm#sc2445280

I am not sure about its longevity, because while modifying I added extra sentences and, thus, could be out of time if had done it at my first attempt. However, I decided to leave other parts as they are because they may be demonstrative concerning my language skills.

Issue:

Some people argue that confidence and optimism are critical to achieving a dream, while others believe that selfless hard work is the only way to reach a goal.

Write a response in which you determine which view bears the closest resemblance to your own. In justifying your reasoning and supporting your position, be sure to include your reaction to both of the views presented.

Response:

Some people primarily rely on confidence and optimistic attitude while trying to achieve a dream, while others are convinced that only selfless hard work leads to the success. From my perspective, if people strive to achieve a dream they should make sure to put as much effort as possible into it, be patient and catch the right moment. Confidence and optimism might play not the last role, but hard and diligent work is primary to catch a dream for most of people. It can be argued that some people have gained their success or something they had been dreaming about for years, only because they were fortunate to appear in the right time in the right place. They were confident in their actions, optimistic and sure about their future and had never vacillated in making decisions. But this happens not so often, so that it is more likely to be an exclusion rather than a path to success. However, being a hard worker does not guarantee that you will reach your goal. Actually, nothing does, but combination of both approaches increases your chances to catch your goal.

When people dream about something and set a particular goal to achieve it is always (or almost always) a remote goal which is not easily achievable. For example, some person may dream to become a movie or rock star, other may be dreaming about becoming a successful and influential theoretical physicist; but it is quite obvious that those goals require a lot of effort to be achieved. On the one hand, one can argue that plenty amount of present pop artists, rock stars or nominee for Oscar have gained their success almost occasionally and they were frivolous in the beginning of their career, not expecting these outstanding results. On the other hand, there is absolutely no case where a brilliant scientist has become involved into his research area on an occasion. If we scan papers of various famous scientists who made significant contribution, we can find that their path to triumph was very long, intricate and, probably, unclear. But by taking small careful steps, yet sometimes very audacious, they have reached the top.

However, no matter how sad it may be, selfless hard work may turn out to be insufficient to bring a particular dream into reality. The way to your goal is never a smooth one, it is often interrupted by unpleasant circumstances that you did not expect. The secret of dream's realization lies in combining patience and assiduity with confidence and optimism. By doing so, you are able to retain calm and diligent while encountering various obstacles and continue hardworking. Eventually, this may lead you to what you have dreamt about.

I could provide some supporting personal experience that I have got during my preparation for the process of graduation. I had to write a master's thesis, write a research article, pass several exams and, also, I had 3 fulltime work days a week. This situation sometimes seemed to be hopeless and I wanted to give up my job or stop caring about the research work, but in the depth I knew that all I had to do to overcome this trouble was to keep patient and continue working scrupulously. I was not confident about the outcome, but by keeping doing my tasks selflessly, I have ultimately overcome all the difficulties and ended up with important results in my research, I was graduated with honor and I was raised at my job. This was not my dream but it may serve as an illustration of a part of your road to your dream.

Therefore, I strongly believe that only conjunction of two different approaches may drive people to their tops. The primary role is allotted to persistent hard work, while being confident and optimistic helps to maintain the right condition to keep working diligently until you reach what you dream about.