GRE Analytic Writing Essay

I am going to take the GRE analytic writing test soon. would u please read my response and give me some suggestions?

Thank u in advance for your kind attention.

ETS's requirements:

--develops a position on the issue with insightful reasons and/or persuasive examples

--sustains a well-focused, well-organized discussion

--expresses ideas clearly and precisely

--uses language fluently, with varied sentence structure and effective vocabulary

--demonstrates superior facility with the conventions (grammar, usage, and mechanics) of standard written English but may have minor flaws

Topic:

The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

My response:

There is a general debate over the issue that whether we always have the chance to choose. The speaker claims that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare. I tend to agree with the statement for the reasons given in the following.

The chief reason I agree with the statement is that everything has many influential factors. In this era, in which technology and globalization have led to increasing living pace and complexity, everything is correlated with other elements in the society. And because thoes correlations, everything is influenced by many factors available. For example, in order to increase the profit of a company, we can either choose to increase the revenue or to decrease the cost. And either the revenue or cost is closely connect with many other factors, such as supply-demand relationship, staff's working time and salary, and company's location. As a result, we have many approaches to increase the profit of a company's profit.

In addtion, in some cases, we can create choice for ourselves. Sometimes, the absence of choice make us create solution to certain problem using our intellect. In the area of science, it was cries of severe infection of soilders in world war one, that urged the scientists to intense research the effective treatment, and thus gave birth to the antibiotics, which have proved to be of great clinical value. In the area of international relation, it was the disagreement between Chinese government and British governemnt on the political system of Hong Kong that made the president of China then Xiaoping Deng for the first time in the human history, claimed the "one country, two system" policy. And this policy played a key role in the negoiation between China and Britian on the Hong Kong issue.

However, it should be admitted that it is hard to choose sometimes. First, if all the choices are similarly beneficial, it is not easy for one to make his decision. Second, if all the choices are nearly harmful, it is also difficult for one to choose. As a result, it is only when there are apparently both good choices and bad choice, that making a choise would be a hard task.

In sum, I concede that it is always not easy to make a choice. However, everything has lots of relevant factors; human being is able to use intellect to create more choices in difficult times. In this way, it must be recognized that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.