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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
Grammer and general content question
In sentences such as this, should I include the "which was"?
1. However, Drizzt’s honorable action cost his House the favor of the Spider Queen, (which was) a situation that could result in doom for House Do'Urden.
2. The priestesses explained that Drizzt’s actions on the surface had cost him his life, so Zaknafein volunteered to be sacrificed to the Spider Queen in his son’s place, (which was) an alternative that Malice accepted.
3. For the first few years of his life, Drizzt was cared for by his sister Vierna and taught his place in drow society, (which was) that of inferiority since he was a male.
1. However, Drizzt’s honorable action cost his House the favor of the Spider Queen, (which was) a situation that could result in doom for House Do'Urden.
2. The priestesses explained that Drizzt’s actions on the surface had cost him his life, so Zaknafein volunteered to be sacrificed to the Spider Queen in his son’s place, (which was) an alternative that Malice accepted.
3. For the first few years of his life, Drizzt was cared for by his sister Vierna and taught his place in drow society, (which was) that of inferiority since he was a male.
Top answer
cboutin3 In sentences such as this, should I include the "which was"? You cannot generalize: you must examine each instance for clarity, style and variety within the text flow. However, if all else is equal, terser is better.
- cboutin3 In sentences such as this, should I include the "which was"?
- You cannot generalize: you must examine each instance for clarity, style and variety within the text flow.
- However, if all else is equal, terser is better.
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5 Answers
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cboutin3In sentences such as this, should I include the "which was"?You cannot generalize: you must examine each instance for clarity, style and variety within the text flow. However, if all else is equal, terser is better.
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Thanks for your advice. Just so I have a little something to go on, in these three options, what would you suggest?
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1. However, Drizzt’s honorable action cost his House the favor of the Spider Queen, possibly dooming House Do'Urden.
2. The priestesses explained that Drizzt’s actions on the surface had cost him his life, so Zaknafein volunteered as a sacrifice to the Spider Queen in his son’s place, an alternative that Malice accepted.
3. For the first few
2. The priestesses explained that Drizzt’s actions on the surface had cost him his life, so Zaknafein volunteered as a sacrifice to the Spider Queen in his son’s place, an alternative that Malice accepted.
3. For the first few
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Thanks, would this revision work for sentence 3? For the first few years of his life, Drizzt was cared for by his sister Vierna and taught that he had an inferior place in drow society because he was a male.
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