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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Grammar
Grammatical Correctness
Hi, I would just like someone to validate these 3 paragraphs for grammatical correctness...
This dynamic, highly sought after system, will be primarily geared towards helping Clem’s Real Estate business achieve, some highly desired, radical new expansion. The system will enable Clem and his team to streamline and collate virtually all aspects of the business into one tightly wrapped, neat little package. It is expected that, with the aid of the new system, productivity will be on the rise while overall organization will be taken to a whole new realm. A new breed of client is on the way with the plans for a website.
Currently the business offers residential property that is either for sale or for rent. This includes apartments, units & houses. The business also caters for an administration service for body corporate management of apartments and units. As its stands, Clem has a total of 4 agents working for him, with 2 agencies in Victoria, but with the view for expansion in mind, this could all very well change. Clem & his team constantly deal with contracts between tenant, vendor & landlord, a long with other sundry forms of office paper work such as invoices – namely for body corporate management.
At the moment the business is using Microsoft Word & Excel to handle basically all aspects of the operation. It is not the intentions of the system to redefine the way in which the business is run, but rather to concentrate on streamlining the operation so that the business can perform more efficiently. It is expected that the website will be beneficial in providing many new client leads, and at the same time be responsible for improved, existing customer satisfaction. People will be given a “birds eye” view of the properties on the site a long with descriptions that will result in a more informed client at the start. Agents may indeed find themselves spending much less time with inspections as a result. Out of 10?
This dynamic, highly sought after system, will be primarily geared towards helping Clem’s Real Estate business achieve, some highly desired, radical new expansion. The system will enable Clem and his team to streamline and collate virtually all aspects of the business into one tightly wrapped, neat little package. It is expected that, with the aid of the new system, productivity will be on the rise while overall organization will be taken to a whole new realm. A new breed of client is on the way with the plans for a website.
Currently the business offers residential property that is either for sale or for rent. This includes apartments, units & houses. The business also caters for an administration service for body corporate management of apartments and units. As its stands, Clem has a total of 4 agents working for him, with 2 agencies in Victoria, but with the view for expansion in mind, this could all very well change. Clem & his team constantly deal with contracts between tenant, vendor & landlord, a long with other sundry forms of office paper work such as invoices – namely for body corporate management.
At the moment the business is using Microsoft Word & Excel to handle basically all aspects of the operation. It is not the intentions of the system to redefine the way in which the business is run, but rather to concentrate on streamlining the operation so that the business can perform more efficiently. It is expected that the website will be beneficial in providing many new client leads, and at the same time be responsible for improved, existing customer satisfaction. People will be given a “birds eye” view of the properties on the site a long with descriptions that will result in a more informed client at the start. Agents may indeed find themselves spending much less time with inspections as a result. Out of 10?
Top answer
Some tips: You have commas sprinkled all over where none belong. Don't use a & in business writing - spell words out. What is "body corporate management"?
- Some tips: You have commas sprinkled all over where none belong.
- Don't use a & in business writing - spell words out.
- What is "body corporate management"?
- It seems like the wrong word choice, and if it's not, it's jargon that the lay person won't understand.
- "one tightly wrapped, neat little package" is too "cutesy" for business writing.
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1 Answers
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Some tips:
You have commas sprinkled all over where none belong.
Don't use a & in business writing - spell words out.
What is "body corporate management"? It seems like the wrong word choice, and if it's not, it's jargon that the lay person won't understand.
"one tightly wrapped, neat little package" is too "cutesy" for business writing.
Look up the ru
You have commas sprinkled all over where none belong.
Don't use a & in business writing - spell words out.
What is "body corporate management"? It seems like the wrong word choice, and if it's not, it's jargon that the lay person won't understand.
"one tightly wrapped, neat little package" is too "cutesy" for business writing.
Look up the ru
0
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