grammar/vocabulary

Question

I worked on the following sentences for a long while. Could you please check them for grammar mistakes, vocabulary choice, sentence structure.

Behind the calm, composed countenance of Jessica resides a stream of knowledge and a collection of adventurous experiences. Her insatiable hunger for broadening and deepening her understanding keeps generating new tributaries to the main source. Doubtlessly, divergent are the contents of those tributaries. They range from the ancient language of the Roman Empire -Latin, to being devoid of words and abundant in brush strokes, paint, colour, drawings. Her love of arts took Jessica to Athabaska College in Vancouver where she acquired her degree in arts. Another tributary sprang to life in 1996 when she started working in early childhood education. Her passion for working with children, her fascination with how young children construct knowledge and make sense of the world around them riveted her to this job for a decade. In 2007 once again Jessica went back to school, and this time received a diploma in early childhood at Grant McEwen. Presently, she is working in kindergarten at the CSC. Her ultimate goal is to ignite eternal inquisitiveness in the children she works with. She is delighted to work in a team environment where children’s uniqueness and successes are celebrated. How and when a new tributary of knowledge will enrich Jessica’s stream of knowledge is a mystery. But one thing is well known: new tributaries will keep proliferating throughout her life.

Avangi · Accepted Answer

Hi knjiga, Welcome to the English Forums. Thanks for joining us.

IMHO "Doubtlessly" doesn't fly here. Sadly spoiling your alliteration, I'd go with "Doubtless, those tributaries are divergent." The image is still problematic. I wouldn't exactly call it a mixed metaphor, but rather a mixed-level metaphor. (I made that up.) The contents of a tributary is/are water. Surely the contents are her knowledge and experiences, but I'm not sure to what extent you should speak on both levels at the same time. I think of divergence as an action. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood." It's something the roads do. While you may travel a road in both directions, a river usually flows in only one. When two tributaries come together, it's called a confluence. I think a divergence in a river would be close to the end of it's journey, where it fans out at the delta and takes two different paths. In other words, I think your river is trying to flow upstream.

Well, I'm tempted to scrap all this. My dictionary lists many different uses for "diverge," even what I would call "divert," which I've always thought of as something entirely different. To me, diverge is the opposite of converge, which clearly implies a direction of flow. (Another term that comes to mind is "bifurcation" - definitely not poetic - as when your carotid artery splits into two flows in your neck.)

I'm going to just leave this for your consideration. You may be completely justified in your usage, so don't let me discourage you. I see that you return to the metaphor later in your paragraph, so I think the issue is worth vetting.

It's good writing. Keep up the good work.

Best wishes, - A.

Knjiga · Answer

Thank you very much for your feedback
What do you think about those changes?
Her insatiable hunger for broadening and deepening her underdtanding keeps generating new tributaries, augmenting the main stream. Doubtless, those tributeries are very diverse.

When I say tributaries I mean newly gained knowledge that keeps flowing into the main stream, enlarging the main stream -the volume of her knowledge.
Could you please tell me if tributaries flow into the river or vice versa? I am confused

Also, when you say "I'm tempted to scrap all this" do you mean tributaries and stream or everything?
Thank you again
Knjiga

Avangi · Answer

Hi,

I meant I'm tempted to scrap all of my criticism - just delete it.

The river metaphor is great. I love it. I got tied up in what I felt were some conflicts in the details, and I didn't have the mental stamina to work my way through it. There's nothing wrong with your image or your conception of it. I understood exactly what you meant from the beginning.

You have the tributaries right. They "contribute" to the river. The river flows downhill by gravity. It usually originates high in the mountains as small trickles from melting snow. These join together to form small streams, which join into larger streams, streams to brooks, brooks to larger brooks, then to small rivers, then larger rivers. This is the tributary system. It all eventually ends up in the ocean. The brook by my old house in New Hampshire flowed into a bigger brook, which flowed into the Sugar River, which is a tributary of the Conneticut River, which flows to the Atlantic Ocean. The Missouri River in central US is a tributary of the Mississippi river, which flows into the Gulf of Mexico.

If you were a salmon, swimming upstream against the current, you'd have to make many choices. Shall I go left or right? From the salmon's point of view, the stream appears to diverge. If she survives her journey and lays her eggs, she then returns to the ocean. What a trip - all downhill - no choices to make - just go with the flow - watch out for the bears! Now all the streams appear to converge.

Your new sentences are great. Maybe too many -ing's. You could say "hunger for broader and deeper (too many -er's?) understanding keeps [seeking] and [exploring] new tributaries etc." That way the tributaries or the information is already out there and she seeks it out, rather than "creating" it. Information then becomes knowledge. Your choice, of course.

Best wishes, - A.

Edit. As a lifelong Frost fan, the "Two roads diverged" sprang into my mind. After I wrote it in my previous post and decided to check usages, I found that my dictionary used him also. I was shocked that I had never seemed to realize that it was "Two roads diverged," although I've long known it from memory. I had always conceived it as one road dividing into two, which it of course has to be. After all, when we say, "two roads converged" we mean into one. Whether they converge or diverge depends on which way you're travelling. I think I sometimes confuse the joining and splitting with the idea of progressively growing closer together, or father apart.

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