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Cute572 Posted 18 years ago
Grammar

Grammar Suggestion

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00Please check my sentences for grammar and punctuation errors. And suggest me to improve its unity and clear meaning.02p

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001. The soft evening rays, landing on my English assignment empty page over my clean writing desk beside the opened window at right; pouring the white sheet with its pale yellow and orange shade seemed like gold.02p

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002. Today, in these natural colors, coming through the opened window, adjusted over the high blue wall; I feel much relaxed -- light as fur, dark cloud of stress seems to be fading away.02p

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003. An egg-shaped wooden silver-brown frame hanged by a thick brown thread over the nail, waged at the upper right wall, quietly posturing the childhood golden days. 02p

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00These are too long sentences?02p

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Top answer

0A comment on sentence #1. 02br 02br 00Sentences this long needn't be a problem, but here there are so many adjectives and impressions piling on top of one another that it all becomes a bit too much (for me, anyway). There are also problems with grammar and punctuation, but rather than try to correct these in situ it might be better to have a rethink about the overall structure and what you really need to say.

— Mr Wordy

  • 0A comment on sentence #1.
  • 02br 02br 00Sentences this long needn't be a problem, but here there are so many adjectives and impressions piling on top of one another that it all becomes a bit too much (for me, anyway).
  • There are also problems with grammar and punctuation, but rather than try to correct these in situ it might be better to have a rethink about the overall structure and what you really need to say.
  • The following is, to me, about the maximum information load that can be supported in the one sentence.
  • Even this cut-down version arguably still suffers slightly from adjectivitis ("soft ...
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41 Answers
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0A comment on sentence #1. 02br
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00Sentences this long needn't be a problem, but here there are so many adjectives and impressions piling on top of one another that it all becomes a bit too much (for me, anyway). There are also problems with grammar and punctuation, but rather than try to correct these in situ it might be better to have a rethink about the overall structu
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0 Thanks Mr Wordy! 02br
00I want to know, with lots of these modifying adjectives, my descriptive sentence seemed stronger or cluttered?02br
00as i have seen descriptive sentences or paragraph writers use so many details and adjectives. 02br
00 and plz point out my puntuation mistakes.02br
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00would u plz help me on rest of two sentences
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0To me it seems cluttered rather than stronger. Obviously with these style questions there isn't a "right" or "wrong" answer, and different people will have different ideas and preferences. Having said that, I'd be surprised if many native English speakers thought that your original sentence read well (even with the minimum corrections). A lot depends on the way that the sentence is constructed
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0Thanks Mr. Wordy!02br
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00Well what should I do to make my sentence elegant? Should I use clauses or direct meaning without using phrases?02br
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00Tell me the first sentence if I rephrase like this without heavily use of adjectives. 02br
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01i00Sitting at my writing desk placed right-hand side of open window, and wor
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0Hello again Mr. Wordy 05002br
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001. Why it’s not good using "Gently landing" I mean gently is adverb of verb landing?02br
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002. Glow is singular, so we use "it's" to balance subject-verb agreement, is it correct?02br
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00 Sorry but i have a question about my previous, 2nd sentence, we discussed earlier.02br
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1font001. Why it’s not good using "Gently landing" I mean gently is adverb of verb landing?02font02br
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01font00There is no problem with "gently landing" itself. As you rightly say, "gently" is an adverb qualifying "landing". The issue is whether, in the sentence you wrote, the verb "landing" fits the noun "glo
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0You meant like this: Is this ok ?02br
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00My tall Off-white in color, right wall gracefully hold the blue , wide window [seems complete ?]. Today, In these pleasent evening colors streaming in through this open window, I feel much relaxed --light as fur, the dark clouds of stress and fatigue seemingly fading away.02br
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00Or i should say this way:
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1i00My tall Off-white in color, right wall gracefully hold the blue , wide window [seems complete ?]. Today, In these pleasent evening colors streaming in through this open window, I feel much relaxed --light as fur, the dark clouds of stress and fatigue seemingly fading away.02i02br
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00There are a number of problems here. "off-white in color" can't go bef
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0Thanks Mr. Wordy !02br
00Well i will work on this sentence then i will again discuss with you, if you don't mind me giving such, long details 05002br
00Secondly, previous sentence what if i use instead of glow, rays or colors ? then use Gently landing ?02br
00or you recommend using only "landing" ? 02br
00Thanks once again Mr Wordy, You have be
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0You are most welcome.02br
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00Rays can be "gently landing", and, I guess, colors can be too ... that sounds OK to me.02br
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00"Gently landing" (as opposed to just "landing") is fine. It's good to include some adverbs (like "gently") and some adjectives (like "blue", or "tall") in your sentences. But don't make the mistake of thinking that you're aut
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