Grammar Question.

Question

Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers me. It's intended to be an objective statement for a resume.

I am seeking a senior level software engineering position where I can actively participate in the various roles during a project life-cycle including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.
TIA, Carl.

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers me. It's intended to be an objective statement for a ... actively participate in the various roles during a project life-cycle including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.[/nq]
Trying to keep re-writing to a minimum, I'd move the list of roles closer to the word "roles":
I am seeking a senior level software engineering position where I can actively participate during a project life-cycle in various roles, including that of systems analyst, architect, designer and developer.

(For what it's worth, I'd also change "a project life-cycle" to "the duration of a project", as "project life-cycle" sounds terribly buzz- wordy to me.)

Cheers, Harvey
Ottawa/Toronto/Edmonton for 30 years;
Southern England for the past 21 years.
(for e-mail, change harvey to whhvs)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers ... including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.[/nq]
[nq:1]Trying to keep re-writing to a minimum, I'd move the list of roles closer to the word "roles": I am ... also change "a project life-cycle" to "the duration of a project", as "project life-cycle" sounds terribly buzz- wordy to me.)[/nq]
I agree. I would also take out "actively", as meaningless. You can't passively participate, after all.

Don Aitken
Mail to the addresses given in the headers is no longer being read. To mail me, substitute "clara.co.uk" for "freeuk.com".

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Carl McClellan wrote Trying to keep re-writing to a minimum, ... project", as "project life-cycle" sounds terribly buzz- wordy to me.)[/nq]
[nq:1]I agree. I would also take out "actively", as meaningless. You can't passively participate, after all.[/nq]
Hah! Haven't you attended any engineering meetings? Lots of passive participation there, unless you count sleeping as being active. I usually couldn't keep my mouth shut, though.

Skitt (in Hayward, California)
www.geocities.com/opus731/

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers me. It's intended to be an objective statement for a ... actively participate in the various roles during a project life-cycle including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.[/nq]
I am an experienced software system analyst, architect, designer and developer seeking the position of software engineer. In my spare time (yes, I do have spare time not as much as I'd like but then who does?) I build boats and electronic organs and create original origami designs (my pheasant under glass has to be seen to be believed) when not improving my orthographic skills.

Good luck job-hunting, Carl!
Valencia

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers me. It's intended to be an objective statement for a ... actively participate in the various roles during a project life-cycle including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.[/nq]
I've read the other comments posted so far. Here are a couple more.

I don't like "position where." This "position" is a job, not a location. Say "position in which."
Both "roles" and your list of them are plural. The corresponding pronoun should be plural as well. Hence "including those of system analyst ... " Get rid of the "a"; you don't need it. (Not that it affects me, but isn't it still "systems (plural) analyst"?)

I agree with the deletion of "actively." I'd also replace "participate in the various roles" with "perform many tasks." Then replace "including" with "such as" and put a comma before "such."

Bob Lieblich
No engineer I

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Bob Lieblich No engineer I[/nq]
I'd say your sigs are well engineered.
m.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I agree. I would also take out "actively", as meaningless. You can't passively participate, after all.[/nq]
[nq:1]Hah! Haven't you attended any engineering meetings? Lots of passive participation there, unless you count sleeping as being active. I usually couldn't keep my mouth shut, though.[/nq]
I think that 'engineering' in the above is narrowing the field far too much.

wrmst rgrds
Robin Bignall
Quiet part of Hertfordshire
England
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/docrobin/homepage.htm

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Is the following sentance gramatically correct? Something about it bothers ... including that of a system analyst, architect, designer, and developer.[/nq]
[nq:1]I am an experienced software system analyst, architect, designer and developer seeking the position of software engineer. In my spare ... under glass has to be seen to be believed) when not improving my orthographic skills. Good luck job-hunting, Carl! Valencia[/nq]
I like this approach. It is hard understand very long sentences. Your objective is to convey information. I also like the removal of unnecessary words as suggested in several of the previous answers. Time is precious. Clarity is important. Be brief informative and unambiguous.
Good luck
tommy

Usenet · Answer

Thank you all so much for your input. I am considering the alternatives.

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