Grammar check

Question

Can someone please check this little section of my paragraph?
I'm not sure if the reference is logical, and if 'As a consequence' is a phrase to connect these sentences.
I want to express the importance of globalization and infrastructure in the growth performance of some countries. This citation should be an example.

"In an empirical study covering 24 Chinese provinces, Demurger finds that “the results indicate that transport facilities are a key differentiating factor in explaining the growth gap and point to the role of telecommunication in reducing the burden of isolation.”. As a consequence, globalization helped expanding trade, reducing poverty, diversifying production, and improving environmental conditions."

GPY · Accepted Answer

I'm not sure that "As a consequence" is quite right. Where do these conclusions about globalisation stem from? Are they yours, or are they in the study?

The tense change in the last sentence is unexpected. Also, the "helped expanding ..." pattern doesn't read well. Better to say "... helped/helps to expand ... reduce ... diversify ... and improve ...".

You don't need two full stops at the end of the quote.

Quotes should be nested like " ... ' ... ' ... " or ' ... " ... "... ', but I guess this is a problem only in your presentation of the question here, and not in the original text.

Pvunderink · Answer

These conclusion are from this Demurger paper. Does this make sense? Have you got a better suggestion to connect these two sentences? Maybe 'as a result'? However, I wanted to avoid 'as a result', since I'm using that a lot.
Thanks for the remark about the tense change!
Reference and quotations are used via the Harvard system. Maybe it depends on which system you use.

Pvunderink · Answer

Maybe 'Accordingly'/ 'Consequently'/ 'It follows that'?

GPY · Answer

The way I see it, there are two issues with the original wording. Firstly, it is not completely clear whether the conclusion about globalisation is attributed to the study or is your own. If it's from the paper then this could be easily fixed by inserting "according to Demurger" or "according to the study", or some similar wording. Secondly, it not obvious to me exactly how the statement about globalisation follows from the quotation about transport and telecoms. Neither of those things in themselves necessarily entail globalisation, as I see it. Ways of joining the sentences without implying cause and effect might include "Furthermore, ....", "Moreover, ...", "In addition, ..." etc. If you do imply cause and effect then I think it ought to be justified in an clearer way.

My comment about the nested quotes has nothing to do with citation style conventions, it's simply that you shouldn't nest double quotes inside double quotes. I'm guessing that this only happened in your post here, and that the outer quotes do not exist in the original text.

Pvunderink · Answer

Thanks for the extensive comment!
'According to the study' sounds good. Should there be a comma after these words?
Don't you think that decreasing tranportation costs and increasing use of telecommunications (mobile phones/ internet) are part of the globalization process?
Oh, double quotes are indeed for the forum.

GPY · Answer

Pvunderink'According to the study' sounds good. Should there be a comma after these words?

Yes.

PvunderinkDon't you think that decreasing tranportation costs and increasing use of telecommunications (mobile phones/ internet) are part of the globalization process?

They often would be, but for me the necessity for these things to go together is not obvious enough to be taken completely for granted. However, I guess my opinion about this doesn't really matter if you are presenting the conclusions of the study. However (again!), the original text is unclear about the exact nature of the connection, in my opinion. You are saying that "globalization helped/helps to expand trade ... etc." is a consequence of "transport facilities are a key differentiating factor in explaining the growth gap etc.". To me, this is a kind of non sequitur. In the consequence, "globalization" is presented as something that exists anyway, and it is the fact that it helps those other things, not globalisation itself, that is presented as the effect. For me, the logic isn't there.

Pvunderink · Answer

I'm definitly struggeling with this one.
Perhaps it's better to drop the quote and present the following:

Another factor that encouraged the rapid development of infrastructural provisions is globalization. “A key benefit of infrastructure, in particular transport infrastructure, is the reduction of transport costs, which helps to create new markets and realize the returns to globalization (McKibbin & Henckel, 2010: 3)”. Powerful evidence in favor of this argument is provided by Demurger (2001). According to the study, globalization helped to expand trade, reduce poverty, diversify production, and improve environmental conditions.

Pvunderink · Answer

I already changed the segment. Thank you for all the input!
P.S. If you got some time left, it would be really helpful if you could look at this ( ) post.

GPY · Answer

PvunderinkAnother factor that encouraged the rapid development of infrastructural provisions is globalization. “A key benefit of infrastructure, in particular transport infrastructure, is the reduction of transport costs, which helps to create new markets and realize the returns to globalization (McKibbin & Henckel, 2010: 3)”. Powerful evidence in favor of this argument is provided by Demurger (2001). According to the study, globalization helped to expand trade, reduce poverty, diversify production, and improve environmental conditions.

Again, this isn't logical to me (sorry).

I don't see how the fact that globalization helped to expand trade etc. is evidence that better infrastructure realises the returns to (of?) globalization. It is almost the opposite argument.

Also, does the convention that you are using really say that the citation should go within the quotation marks?

Pvunderink · Answer

I skipped the quote by Demurger.
Yes, the citation should go within quotation marks.

What do you think about this?

Another factor that encouraged the rapid development of infrastructural provisions is ‘globalization’. Powerful evidence in favor of this argument is provided by McKibbin and Henckel (2010). “A key benefit of infrastructure, in particular transport infrastructure, is the reduction of transport costs, which helps to create new markets and realize the returns to globalization (McKibbin & Henckel, 2010: 3)”. Furthermore, infrastructural development via the process of international integration helped to expand trade, reduce poverty, diversify production, and improve environmental conditions.

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