Grammar and Vocabulary check please!

Question

Hey Friends,Happy New Year to all of you!I am working on my cover letter and I would be very grateful if somebody could correct the punctuation and grammar errors in the following paragraph."My educational qualifications span an MS in EE; a BS in EE; and training in equipment design which includes Project Management, Instrument analysis, and Instrument design. My academic experience provides me with experience in equipment testing; maintenance including periodic checks, calibrations, and performance analysis; and component design."Thanks a lot!

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

At minimum, I would spell out the degree field, lowercase the training, and use parentheses. The placement of "which includes" suggests that you are detailing what is involved in "equipment design." If you want to detail your general educational qualifications instead, you need to reword. My complete version would be as follows:

My educational qualifications encompass a BS and MS degree in Electrical Engineering as well as advanced training in equipment design, including project management, instrument analysis, and instrument design. My academic experience also provided me with experience in equipment testing, maintenance (including periodic checks, calibrations, and performance analysis), and component design.

I hope this helps.

Anonymous · Answer

Hey Doctor D,

Thank you for taking the time to respond!

I actually wanted to include what was included in equipment design (I apologize, project management might be slightly irrelevant there). Can I use the following paragraph?

My educational qualifications encompass a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering as well as advanced training in equipment design which includes equipment analysis, and design. Furthermore, my academic projects supplemented me with experience in equipment testing, maintenance and reporting (including periodic checks, calibrations, and performance analysis), and component design which included selection of components, trouble-shooting, and testing. (trying to indicate what I did during the component design)

Once again, thanks a lot for the time!

Doctor D · Answer

I would simplify your new paragraph. For example, as follows:

My educational qualifications encompass a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering as well as advanced training in equipment design and analysis. In addition, my academic projects have provided me with practical experience in several fields, such as equipment testing; maintenance and reporting (including periodic checks, calibrations, and performance analysis); and component design (including selection criteria, trouble-shooting, and testing).

Note: You cannot be supplemented. Your studies can be. I would drop that verb.

I am adding the semicolons back in order to clarify which items belong together. (The commas are all that is required grammatically.)
I took some liberties with your wording, just to give you an better idea of how you could say this.

Grammar and Vocabulary check please!

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