Grammar

Question

errors/weaknesses of grammarThe following items contain errors/possible weaknesses of grammar, wordchoice, etc. Please i. point out the errors/weaknessesii. explain clearly why they are errors/weaknesses, for example, what writing principles are violated, andiii. provide possible corrections/improvements of the errors. (i–iii: nomore than 600 words)a.)    Ifyou have any questions concerning the above, please don't hesitate to contactMs Chiu, the beautiful young lady you have met before.b.)   Thank you for your complaint letter dated 10 May. I am sure that you will behappy to know that we have decided to refund $10,400 plus some money for returnfreight charges for the executive desk that you recently purchased from us.c.)   Pursuantto our telephone conversation this morning, please b advise that the newquotation and order form will deliver to you by next Monday.d.)   Inthe presentation, Eric clearly demonstrated how to use the new report templateand inputting the data. This new template will help our employees with a easyto read format and organization.Thanks a lot

Clive · Accepted Answer

You are asking us to do a lot of work for you. How about you try, and we comment on your answers?

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Hi, Could you correct me and explain if I am grammar wrong?

1.) If you have any questions concerning the above, please don't hesitate to contact Ms Chiu, the beautiful (~~young lady~~?girl) you (~~have~~?had) met before.
* (two error/weakness)

2.) Thank you for your complaint letter dated (on) 10 May. I am (sure that you will be?delete) happy to (~~know~~?inform) that we have decided to refund $10,400 plus some money for return freight charges for the executive desk that you (have) recently purchased from us.
* (three error/weakness)

3.) (~~Pursuant~~?According) to our telephone conversation this morning, please b advised that the new quotation and order form (will deliver?will be delivered) to you by next Monday.
* (two error/weakness)

4.) In the presentation, Eric clearly demonstrated how to use the new report template and (~~inputting~~?input) the data. This new template will help our employees with (a?an) easy to read format (~~and~~?to do) organization.
* (three error/weakness)

Many thanks!

Clive · Answer

Here are my corrections. Pleas ask if there are changes you do not understand.

a.) If you have any questions concerning the above, please don't hesitate to contact Ms Chiu, whom you met before.

It's not business-like to refer to her beauty.

b.) Thank you for your letter dated 10 May. We will refund $10,400 plus return freight charges for the executive desk that you recently purchased from us. We hope this is satisfactory.

c.) Pursuant to our telephone conversation this morning, the new quotation and order form will be delivered to you by next Monday.

d.) In the presentation, Eric clearly demonstrated how to use the new report template, and how to input the data. This new template will help our employees with an easy-to-read format and good organization.

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Would you mind explanation above detail ?
Is grammar wrong or another mistake?

Many appreciated!!

Clive · Answer

1.) If you have any questions concerning the above, please don't hesitate to contact Ms Chiu, the beautiful (~~young lady~~?girl) you (~~have~~?had) met before.
* (two error/weakness)

In Western business culture, it is not correct to refer to a person's beauty. That is irrelevant.
Also, the words 'girl' and 'lady' are unsuitable. Say 'woman'. But really, it is enough to just say 'Ms Chiu'.

The Past Perfect is not necessary with the word 'before'.

2.) Thank you for your complaint letter dated (on) 10 May. I am (sure that you will be?delete) happy to (~~know~~?inform) that we have decided to refund $10,400 plus some money for return freight charges for the executive desk that you (have) recently purchased from us.
* (three error/weakness)

It's not tactful to tell the customer he is complaining. He thinks his just stating facts

You don't just 'inform', you 'inform someone'

'Some money for' is too vague.

3.) (~~Pursuant~~?According) to our telephone conversation this morning, please b advised that the new quotation and order form (will deliver?will be delivered) to you by next Monday.
* (two error/weakness)

'According to' is not suitable vocabulary.

'Please be advised that' is unnecessary and tedious business jargon.

4.) In the presentation, Eric clearly demonstrated how to use the new report template and (~~inputting~~?input) the data. This new template will help our employees with (a?an) easy to read format (~~and~~?to do) organization.
* (three error/weakness)

Do you mean specific data ('the data') or data in general (just say 'data')?

Add hyphens to the compound adjective 'easy-to-read'.

You don't do organization. Say it another way.

Next time, please just post one sentence in one post. Correcting and discussing several sentences at once is too awkward.

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Clive, Many appreciated!!
I understood. Thanks a lot !!!

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