Grade 12 academic english essay thesis

Hi, im writing a comparative essay between No Great Mischief by alistar macleod, and the song mockingbird by eminem and I would just like imput or suggestions on how I can possibly improve my thesis. Both works have a strong theme of family loyalty and family support. The following is my thesis:

In both the novel, No Great Mischief by Alistair MacLeod, and the song, “Mockingbird” by Eminem, the authors demonstrate that a person’s journey through the pivotal moments of their life is defined by the support that one can only obtain through their own family.